No Advanced Warning
by darkstarspanky
Summary: SG1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation. SamJack and DanielJanet.
1. Again?

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gates to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: My first published fan fiction. This idea has been done to death I'm sure, but oh well. This takes place sometime during season 7, but after "Fragile Balance". Please review if you find my story worthy of doing so. I'm only 15 so give me a break on the grammar and writing skills. Thanks and...enjoy!  
  
Sam's POV  
  
Have you ever felt like your life was just one big dream? Or, in some cases, one big nightmare? I have. This story starts out like all do. It was an ordinary day on another mission for my team. We 'gated to a planet that was said to have technology belonging to the Ancients. Daniel was, as always, hoping to find a clue to the location of Atlantis. Teal'c was...impassive. Jack, ahem, Colonel O'Neill was being...himself. After a short trek through the wilderness, we came upon a small temple. Never one to ignore an opportunity to explore, Daniel immediately took to looking around and trying to translate writings. Teal'c took to covering our asses as usual. Ja...er, the colonel and I were just wandering around. His, more out of boredom than anything else. Then he came upon a small box. Which is really where our story begins, anyway. Looking at me and motioning me over, we looked at the box for a few minutes, trying to discern what it was. "What do you think it is?" he asked me in a hushed tone.  
  
"No idea," I said  
  
We made to pick it up, just as Daniel started to speak,  
  
"Hey, have any of you guys found a--" he stopped mid-sentence, seeing the object we had in our hands.  
  
"Found a wh--" The colonel and I had said in unison, but broke off. Before we knew it, we were unconscious on the floor.  
  
According to Daniel, it was only the colonel and I that passed out. When we awoke, we were in for one of the biggest shocks of our lives (well, mine anyway)...we were teenagers.  
  
"Damn it! Not again!" I heard the colonel say.  
  
I picked up a fragment of glass off the floor, looked at it, and promptly fainted. When I woke once again, I found all of my teammates standing over me, staring at me intently as if daring me to make a sudden movement. Daniel and Teal'c hoisted me up by my arms and asked me if I was alright. I'm in the body of a fifteen year old! Of course I'm not alright! They're both mad if they think I am, and I told them so. The colonel wasn't happy either, but I think he was faring better than I was. It's a bloody shame I couldn't take the time to notice how cute he was. I did not just say that...oh, I did. Damn.  
  
"Does anyone know why this happened?" I asked no one in particular.  
  
"This is turning out to be a bad day..." I heard the colonel mutter.  
  
"I couldn't agree more," I told him.  
  
"So, what were you doing when...that happened?" Daniel asked us.  
  
"We just picked it up and, BAM! We ended up like this," the colonel replied, while making wild hand gestures.  
  
"I agree with him...except without all the wild movements." He glared at me, but I just looked innocently back.  
We all looked at Teal'c, expecting him to at least raise and eyebrow, but we didn't even get that. What we did get was a snort of laughter. We all looked at each other in shock. Did he really just snort in laughter while we're stuck like this?! That loon! The colonel and I rounded on him,  
  
"Think this is funny, do you?" I looked him straight in the eye, silently daring him to do it again.  
  
"Indeed I do, Major Carter," he said, looking ready to laugh again.  
  
"Teal'c..." the colonel said in a warning tone. We heard Daniel clear his throat loudly from the other side of the room,  
  
"Alright," the colonel sighed, "pick up the cube, carefully put it in a transport container and let's get out of here."  
  
"I am afraid I cannot follow the orders of a child." Teal'c said while...smirking? The man definitely changed in the past seven years. At least before, he may have been laughing, but he always kept it to himself.  
  
"You pick now to make wisecracks?" I looked directly at him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk of my own, almost as if saying I knew something he didn't. It had the desired effect.  
  
"This'll be fun to explain," Daniel said, shaking with silent laughter.  
  
"Of course it'll be, you're going to explain it." the colonel told him. Notice I'm calling him "the colonel" a lot. Must. Not. Call. Him. Jack. Screw it. Who's gonna know? On our way back to the 'gate, I walked with Jack.  
  
"Well, at least we know there isn't a clone this time," I said  
  
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? It doesn't," he frowned, "Notice how this stuff never happens to the other two. It never even happened to Jonas. We just thought he was crazy."  
  
"Yeah...but Daniel has died a lot. Your first mission, when the Nox saved us, whe--"  
  
He stopped me from going any further by placing a hand over my mouth. I must say, I was quite tempted to bite it.  
  
"I get your point, Carter. No need to get into details," he said, hand still covering my mouth. I just couldn't help it, I started laughing. He gave me a funny look. I pulled his hand away from my mouth and apologized. I was silently thanking God he couldn't read minds.  
  
"Are you going to tell me why you were laughing?" he asked a moment later,  
  
"I already apologized, what more do you want?" I retorted, trying to dissuade him from asking more questions.  
  
"...fine, at least tell me if you were laughing at me?" he looked slightly hopeful that I would answer.  
I couldn't think of what to say. I cleared my throat and prepared to speak, but I still couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
"Great, perfect time for my mind to fail me. I can't very well say, 'I wanted to bite your hand', now can I?"  
  
Jack was once again looking at me strangely. Then I realized: I had said that out loud.  
  
"I said that out loud, didn't I?"  
  
"Yep," he nodded.  
  
"Thought so."  
  
Crap. So much for making up a lie. Thank God the 'gate was right in front of us by that time. Now to go home and deal with the General.  
  
Author's Note: Please review...you know you want to...even if it's to tell me it sucks...If you guys want more, I'll try and have the next chapter up sometime this weekend. Thanks! 


	2. Bad Day

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter   
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: Sorry about the double post. I'll just continue it here. Thanks to Firestarter310, Natters and Shannon S. who reviewed...albeit on different posts! I won't threaten to not post until I get more reviews...although I would love more reviews.... Anyway, on with the story! Oh, and I think I might just continue with Sam's POV.  
  
Sam's POV  
  
Of all the times I've arrived through the 'gate on Earth, this one must have been the weirdest and probably the hardest to explain. Lucky me. We arrived through the wormhole just before it disengaged, and General Hammond was waiting for us at the bottom of the ramp.  
  
"Welcome back, SG-1...Teal'c, Dr. Jackson, where are Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill? Who are these...people?" he asked, obviously confused. Rightfully so, I might add.  
  
"Uh...Sir...we are Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill," he was staring at us like we were mental, "Though, I can see why you'd think we weren't..."  
I was starting to get restless and uncomfortable. Being under this much scrutiny was unbearable. Everyone in the gate room and the control room were staring at us. The entire room was so silent, you could have heard a pin drop.  
  
"General, we know how this happened...well, okay, not really. We just know what device caused it. We brought it back so Daniel and Janet could take a better look at it, maybe figure something out." I said, hoping he would just let us go to the infirmary, away from the staring employees.  
  
"Dr. Jackson, are you sure of their identities? For all we know, they could be goa'uld." The General said.  
  
"We know they aren't. They were the only two that passed out. We saw, nothing happened in the way of body swapping, Asgard beams..." Jack elbowed him, "point is, they are Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter."  
  
"Aright, if you're sure. Escort them down to the infirmary to get checked out. You and Teal'c as well."  
  
With that said, we were on our way. Janet might understand this better than the general...but this time, Daniel really is explaining it. I don't want to do it again. As we all know, Daniel has a penchant for rambling. So he might try to use it to get us to explain. Must tell Jack not to interfere. We reached the door to the infirmary a few minutes later.  
  
"You two go ahead and tell her we'll be right in. I just need to speak with Colonel O'Neill for a minute." I pulled him aside by his arm.  
  
As soon as Daniel and Teal'c were out of earshot, I told him what I thought might happen.  
  
"Sir, I think Daniel might use his penchant for rambling as a way to get us to explain our...ah...predicament. I want to make him suffer, albeit slightly, but I want to make him explain it. Don't interfere if he starts to ramble. I know it'll be hard, but for the sake of slight revenge..."  
  
"And you said Daniel has the penchant for rambling? Well, okay. I'll try to restrain myself." He said as we walked through the door.  
  
As we walked, we once again got many stares. I got fed up, and lost my temper.  
  
"We are not some damn sideshow exhibits! STOP STARING AT US!" I yelled.  
  
They all stopped, including my teammates, and gaped at me. I just looked around for an empty bed and sat down. It wasn't my problem, so why should I feel guilty? I didn't care that I had just earned myself a reputation of being insane. I already felt that way.  
  
"Uh...Carter? You think you can tone it down on the sudden outbursts? I think I just went partially deaf."  
  
I snickered. I never knew I was that loud. New record for me! You may think I am now gaining the personality of a child, but who cares? If you look like one, why not act like one? I mean, Jack acts like one sometimes even when he's an adult.  
  
"Sure...I'll make sure to give you a signal next time." I replied, feeling that it would defeat the purpose of "sudden outburst" if I gave a warning.  
  
Oh, well.  
  
Janet came in with all her instruments on a tray and stopped. Well, I guess she spotted us. I'm surprised she didn't faint, I mean, I did and I'm...me? Okay, that doesn't work. Apparently it's just because she's a medical doctor and she's used to weird looking patients. Oh, well.  
  
"And you would be...?" she asked  
  
"We are Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter. And yes, I know we don't look like them. Daniel, this is the part where you start explaining." I said  
  
"Right. Well, we were on P98X-471 looking for technology belonging to the Ancients, and apparently they picked up a cube and...that happened. They were the only ones that passed out. No goa'uld's, no Asgard beams...nothing of the sort. They just...changed."  
  
Ha ha! Good explanation, Daniel. I don't think that'll help her much. Oh, and you forgot to mention the cube is being put in your office.  
  
"What happened to the cube?" Janet asked  
  
At least someone remembered to say that. Go Janet! Daniel, you need to think less about my best friend, and think more about your job. I resisted the urge to once again snicker.  
  
"Ah...it's in my office, awaiting tests. I saw some writings on it, so I might be able to translate them within the next few days," Daniel said.  
  
"Oh, do you mind if I take a look at it when we're finished here? I'd like to see if I can't find something. Though I don't know how much help I'll be considering I can't translate anything..." Janet responded.  
  
Should I tell her I don't think they'd get much work done if they were in Daniel's office alone? Nah, I'll let her find out on her own. Not that she'd mind, I mean, she does have a soft spot for the archaeologist. Besides, at least someone around here will have a shot at a relationship. I'm sounding jealous, aren't I? Whoops.  
  
It was during my exam that I noticed something. My mouth felt fuller than before. Then it hit me, if I was back to being a teenager, I was back to having braces. Curse whoever thought of that stupid device! Honestly, I doubt it'll help us fight the goa'uld, so what's the point in it? You know, if something doesn't change soon, I think I might threaten to leave this dang place.  
  
No, that's not true, I won't leave. I love it too much, despite the annoying circumstances I find myself in currently.  
  
"Alright, Sam. You check out okay, so you're free to go. But if you have any problems, come back and see me, okay?" I nodded, "Alright, now if you'll excuse me, I need to go meet Daniel." She winked and left the room.  
  
Get ready, Daniel...when she wants you, she gets you. I can sort of see why she likes him. I mean he's in the infirmary enough for her to get to know him. Maybe they'll be kind enough to let me be maid of honor, and Jack be best man. We'd be a couple! Well, for the wedding, anyway. Maybe godparents? Oh-kay...getting ahead of myself here.  
  
I was just walking around the corridors lost in my own world when I left the infirmary that I didn't notice I was about to smack into someone. As I was falling over, someone caught me by the arms and pulled me back up. I looked up into the face of the person that caught me. I expected it to be an SF, but it wasn't. It was Jack. Well, this is awkward. Whoever said that being in the arms of the man you loved was bliss lied.  
  
Did anyone ever actually say that? Who cares? It would have been better if it wasn't in the middle of the hallway, with everyone watching. He let me go when he was certain I wouldn't fall back down again. I was tempted to, just so he would put his arms around me. Stupid conscience! It told me not to, so I didn't. Who actually listens to their conscience? Apparently, I do. Bugger.  
  
"You alright? You look a little...spacey." Jack said to me.  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I was just thinking, Sir." I replied.  
  
"I'd be surprised if you ever stopped," he smiled slightly (A/N: Yes, I know it's been said in an episode...I just felt like using it!)  
  
"I wonder what would happen if I ever stopped?" I wondered aloud  
  
"I think the world just might stop turning."  
  
Cheeky grin. So cute. No! I can't think that about my CO, even if it is just in my brain! I resisted the urge to slap myself physically, so I settled for a mental one instead. I don't want people thinking I'm even more mental that they already do. I mean there was that whole Orlin thing. Actually, that was resolved later. ACK! Anyway...I smiled back.  
  
"I don't know if something that drastic would happen. Maybe the world would just slow a bit."  
  
Cute, Carter. Real cute. I swear, if the sexual tension got any thicker you could blow through it with a staff weapon. Where's Teal'c when you need him? Of course, nowhere to be found. Damn it all! So we were just standing there...in the middle of the hallway.  
  
"So..." "So...do you want to get something to eat? I don't think I've had anything since before our last mission." I said  
  
"Sure. It looks like you could use some food in you, anyway. How'd you live being that skinny?" he asked  
  
Wrong thing to say. Well, to most women, anyway. I didn't really care. Just because he didn't say I'm fat, doesn't mean some people won't take it as an insult. I just thought I'd make him suffer. I decided not to because I like him too much. That and he'd probably bring me up on insubordination charges if I did.  
  
"Who knows? I don't even remember much about being this age. Or at least I tried not to." I said, making a reference to my mother's death.  
  
I think he realized, because he didn't ask any other questions.  
  
"Ah...so, mess hall?" he asked, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Yes, Sir." I said as I followed him to the mess.  
  
When we got there, we got our food and found a table. We just had to make sure we got the most important food item. Cake. We never actually got to have that cake together last year. Stupid goa'uld and their bad timing. I would have gone after Anubis myself if the 'gate hadn't been about to blow up.  
  
Do they purposely do this? I mean, do they know when I'm about to have some fun and just ruin it by making their presence known? Seriously. We need to kill those guys. Even if it's just so I can have cake with Jack. Who cares about saving the world? Unfortunately, all of us do. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here. Again, bugger.  
  
"Ah...we finally get to have that cake. It took about a year and a half, but that's okay." Jack said as we sat down.  
  
"Yes, Sir. Hopefully no one will execute a surprise attack on the base. Goa'uld or other species."  
  
As if on cue, the klaxons blared and "Unauthorized incoming traveler!" came over the intercom. NO! I swear, whoever comes through that 'gate is gonna die! I don't care if it's my own father. I don't care if it's God himself! Well, okay, maybe I'd make an exception for God. But that's only because he's God, and if I don't accept him he'd probably strike me down.  
  
When we arrived, we got word that it was SG-3 coming through with heavy fire. Apparently, there was an ambush. Honestly, if there are too many more of those it'll get predictable. Oh wait, it already has. Anyway, they came through a bit beat up, but they were all alive. Good. Now I can kill them for ruining what promised to be a great piece of cake with my favorite Colonel.  
  
A/N: Alrighty, another chapter written! Will Sam kill SG-3 for ruining her cake date with Jack? Who knows? (Right...that sounds a little stupid. Forgive me.) I promise to try and update at least every other day. It depends on if writer's block decides to give me a reprieve. Knock on wood. Don't want to jinx it. Let me know if you guys like it, hate it, have suggestions...whatever! Just let me know what you think! Please and thank you! If you have it in you, I'd like a review. It's my first published fanfic and I want to know what everyone thinks!  
  
Later, Darkstarspanky  
Aka: Carter 


	3. Bad Day Part II

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: Alright, I promised a chapter every other day...so here it goes. I'd also like to thank **Firestarter310**, **Sci Fi Fan Gillian**, and **SilverPunk with an attitude** for the reviews! I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations! Like I said before, I won't threaten not to post until I get a certain amount of reviews...I love writing, but as any fanfic writer would say, they're encouraged by reviews...so please do if you have the time! Alright, now after this paragraph long A/N, on with the story!  
  
Sam's POV  
  
Well, unfortunately I couldn't kill SG-3 for ruining my cake date with Jack. I got caught going into the armory. I lied and said I was making sure all weapons were present and accounted for. I don't think Siler believed me. But he let me go anyway. He's a nice guy. It almost makes me feel bad about the time Jack accidentally shoved him over the railing that gave him a broken arm and a concussion. Almost.  
  
I guess I'll just have to kill those Marines in their sleep. I should wear gloves so they can't get my fingerprints off the bodies. Well, I know what I'll be doing later. Anyway, after I left the armory, or more specifically got kicked out by Siler, I went off in search of some form of entertainment. Preferably something Jack-related.  
  
I went to his office. He wasn't there. I decided that since there wasn't much left to do, I'd go to my own lab and just tinker around with my "doohickeys" until I could find something better to do. When I got there, I found Jack sitting at the island on a stool, asleep. I couldn't pass up this chance.  
  
I decided to have a little fun. And hey, it is Jack-related. Just not exactly what I had pictured when the idea entered my mind. Oh, well. I had a brilliant idea on how to wake him up. Well, okay. Maybe not _brilliant_ but it would at least be somewhat funny.  
  
Well all know guys have a little bit of a perverted side (or, a huge bit of a perverted side) so I decided to appeal to that. I rummaged around through the drawers and shelves in my lab looking for a certain CD no one knew I had. Which is why I don't even remember where it is. And if you ask me where I got it, I will blatantly lie to you.  
  
After searching very carefully for around 15 minutes, I found what I was looking for. I had to be very quiet if I this was to work as I wanted it to. I found my little boom box and put the CD in. I made sure it was working correctly and turned it on.  
  
I left the room before the song began. I was standing just outside the door when the song "Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang came on. I tried hard not to laugh, but I couldn't control the giggles that escaped. I knew he was awake when I heard a loud crash come from inside my lab. I walked in,  
  
"Carter! What the hell is this?!"  
  
Instead, I asked him a question.  
  
"What are you doing in my lab?"  
  
I knew perfectly well what he was doing in my lab. He was waiting for me.  
  
"Well, I was waiting for you to come back from God knows where, and I just...fell asleep." he answered.  
  
I resisted the urge to giggle again. You know what Jack says about giggling: Don't do it. I ran over and shut off the CD player right before it got to the really disgustingly perverted part. Well, all of it is disgustingly perverted. That's what makes it funny.  
  
"Oh. Right. Well, shall we try for that cake again? I doubt the same thing would happen twice in one day." I said as I mentally crossed my fingers.  
  
"Sure, why not? By the way...since when do you have a CD by the Bloodhound Gang?"  
  
NO! Damn him! I tried so hard, but the blush just crept it's way up my face anyway. Curse him for having that perverted side I was talking about!  
  
"Ah...I don't know? I just found it."  
  
Like I said, if asked how this came into my possession, I would blatantly lie. But in a way, it wasn't a lie. I had just found it.  
  
"Maybe we should just eat the cake in the control room this time, that way if someone decides to be an unauthorized traveler, we'll already be there. No need to waste perfectly good cake." he said  
  
I laughed. He really isn't as dense as he claims to be. Just a little strange. Which is why I like him.  
  
"That could work. Though I don't know if we should. I don't think Sgt. Davis would be too happy if we broke his toys...and I wouldn't be too happy if we broke my dialing system."  
  
I gave him a slightly cheeky grin. As long as I don't mention interruptions, maybe none will happen. But if they do, I really will kill them this time.  
  
"So, has Danny said anything about why the cube turned us into kids?" he asked as we walked  
  
"Ah...no. I haven't really heard anything from him since our visit to the infirmary..."  
  
We both laughed. We knew the implications of my last statement.  
  
"I have a feeling they aren't getting much work done..."  
  
As we were walking, we came upon another force that would hinder our cake date. Speak of the little devils, Daniel and Janet. Why, God, why?! Well, at least they had their hands off each other. Though they did look a little flushed. I snickered despite the fact that my life was ruined. Again.  
  
"Hey guys, we were just looking for you. I think we've figured out something..." Daniel said  
  
He started walking off. He stopped and turned around,  
  
"Ah...if you'll follow me, please."  
  
I didn't particularly want to follow him. Unless it was to kill him. But if I want to be back in my own body, I guess I'll have to let him live. We followed him to his office and on the way there Daniel and Janet were a little too close together to just be working on the same project...I knew they were just dying to touch each other. Ugh, gross.  
  
"I think I've translated most of the text. It seems to indicate that what happened to you is the normal function of this device..."  
  
"So why didn't it react to you or Teal'c when you touched it?" Jack asked  
  
"Well, we think it's because you have to carry the genetic code belonging to the Ancients, so if you don't have it, the device doesn't react to you." Daniel explained (A/N: I had this idea waaaaay before they said anything about it on Stargate Atlantis, so no, I'm not getting it from that.)  
  
"Well, I can see why it happened to Colonel O'Neill, I mean he can handle the repository. So he must have the gene. But what about me?" I asked  
  
"Obviously you must have those genes as well,"  
  
"Obviously." Jack stated.  
  
"It's actually quite ingenious if you think about it. Instead of using a device like the one on P4X-639 that would affect all planets within a certain area, they could just change themselves. Start from a younger age...they could live for as long as they wanted," I was explaining something about a device I knew little of, "except for the worry of dying out from disease. It might have given them more time though."  
  
I felt good for explaining something I supposedly knew nothing about. It was even better that I was right. Though it shouldn't really surprise anyone anymore.  
  
"That would be the most logical explanation. Though it doesn't seem like the type of thing they would use...well, not based on previous finds, anyway." Daniel said  
  
Janet had yet to speak. I wonder why? My question was soon answered.  
  
"Well, from a medical standpoint we have no idea what this gene is...but from what Daniel has told me, this device will eventually give you the powers that the Ancients possessed."  
  
"Well, I can understand the whole gene reacting to the cube thing, but the powers? How does that happen?" Jack asked the question I was about to.  
  
I swear, that man reads my mind. But I seriously hope he doesn't...I don't want him to find out about some certain inappropriate thoughts I constantly have...I mean...that I _rarely_ have. Yeah, that's it. Rarely have.  
  
"I was thinking that whomever possesses the genetic code actually has the powers and knowledge of the Ancients, essentially they would lie dormant until something activates them. Something like this device."  
  
Ah, good ol' Daniel. You can always count on him for information that doesn't necessarily help you.  
  
"So, what? We're getting those healing powers and stuff?"  
  
"Or are we getting the knowledge that will override our brains and eventually kill us?"  
  
"I don't think it'll be something along the lines of getting one or the other. I think you get both. Since it wasn't gotten from a repository. It's what you already have, it's a part of your minds at this point."  
  
"So...the stuff that was downloaded into my head last time was stuff I already knew?"  
  
"Well...we don't know about that. We haven't really gotten that far into it."  
  
I knew why they hadn't gotten that far...they were making out. I decided to ask them.  
  
"You were making out, weren't you?" I asked with as much fake innocence as I could muster.  
  
They went silent and looked sheepish and embarrassed. Yep, they were making out. Again. You know, it's really hard to be around these people when they're allowed to do what I can't. I hate my life.  
  
"Well, I think we're just gonna go and let you get back to...whatever you were doing."  
  
Thanks, Jack. If you hadn't said it, I would have. I looked at my watch, it said 2136 (A/N: 9:36 PM). Oh, yay. Almost time for bed. Well, it would have been when I was actually fifteen. Maybe I can persuade Jack to go get some cake before we go to our quarters. Too bad I can't go off-base. I would really like to be in my own bed. Oh, well.  
  
"Right, so...let's go, Sir. We have some business to attend to." I said as I started toward the door.  
  
With that, we walked out of Daniel's lab. I really didn't want to be there when Daniel and Janet started making out again. I mean come on...have a little bit of decorum will ya? Nah, it'd be too much trouble for him.  
  
"So, how about getting that cake? I mean, it's almost 2200, I don't think we'll be having any UA travelers." Jack was suggesting the cake again...woo- hoo!  
  
I resisted the urge to jump up and down in excitement. Besides, I was already doing that in my head. So what was there left for me to do? I agreed, and we went in search of food in the mess hall.  
  
"You know, if they don't have cake right now, I'm gonna complain to the General," Jack said.  
  
"Yes, Sir. We should have cake on base at all times. Maybe we should just go out and buy one...when we look like ourselves."  
  
I really do love it when you can just sit down and...relax. It's very uncommon. Well, it is around this place, anyway. When you throw in some cake, it makes the deal even sweeter. Pardon the pun.  
  
"Since you pulled this stunt last time, I think I'll return the favor. You look kinda cute with..."  
  
I had to stop him, I knew what he was going to say.  
  
"If you say that the freckles on my nose are cute, I swear I'll kill you."  
  
I absolutely _hate_ it when people tell me my freckles are cute, make me look cute, whatever. I hate it.  
  
"Fine, I won't say it."  
  
"You can't think it either."  
  
"Too late."  
  
I wonder how much trouble you'll get into if you flick off your CO? Probably too much for me to deal with right now. Of course, I could always claim I was under the influence of alien technology. Oh, well. It's nice to know he thinks I'm cute. Even if it is only because of my freckles.  
  
"Ugh...alright. Point made. Another topic of conversation, please?"  
  
"Alright...from the explanation you gave earlier, I have a feeling you knew at least a little about that cube thing...how? I don't think we can gain the knowledge that fast."  
  
Bingo. He asked the one question I didn't want to answer. How does he always find a way to make me uncomfortable? I guess that's Jack for you. Oh, well. We both know the feelings that were left in the room are never going to change.  
  
"Okay...what I'm about to tell you, no one else knows...you can't mention this, no matter what."  
  
He nodded in understanding. I'm glad he knows that I trust him enough, but still have to say it anyway. I've never told anyone this before. I don't think my own father knows. So, about to reveal the biggest secret I hold...it would be stupid to say I'm just a little bit tense. Well, if he cares about me as much as he said...this shouldn't damage anything. Then again, whenever someone says that it usually does change things. I hate my life right now....  
  
A/N: Ha ha! A sort of cliffhanger! I guess you'll just have to wait and see what happens...I didn't particularly like this chapter, but I don't hate it. Alright, I want to once again thank the people that reviewed. So far, I'm just writing it as I go. Not too sure if this is any good or not, but I did notice one thing, sometimes it changes between past tense and present tense...I'm sorry about that. I think it's an unconscious thing. Anyway, please review! Er...right then.  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
P.S. Teal'c will appear in the next chapter. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about our beloved Jaffa. 


	4. Awkward Situations Lead to Interesting N...

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: First off, I want to thank my reviewers- Sci Fi Fan Gillian and CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur along with all the previous reviewers! This chapter will have Teal'c in it, like I promised. More Jack/Sam and Daniel/Janet moments. I think I'll deal with Pete here, too. I will flat out say I don't like him. They can deny it all they want, but he is a stalker! Okay, here's the next chapter!  
  
Sam's POV  
  
Telling someone a huge secret that you've been hiding for years is not something easy to do. We all know that. As I opened my mouth to start my story, I felt like we were being watched by someone. I felt that maybe the mess hall wasn't the best place to share something this big.  
  
"Sir, before I say anything, do you think we could go up to the surface?" I paused and leaned in closer, "I feel like we're being watched, and I don't want anything to get around base..."  
  
He looked at me for a moment, probably wondering what the big deal was. He didn't know that the secret I held could quite possibly change the lives of everyone on our team. He nodded and we started to get up from the table.  
  
"So much for that cake date..." he said as we got up.  
  
"Well, we could always bring it with us. I don't think it'll matter if we eat cake outside."  
  
I gave a slight smile. A smile that was more out of nervousness than anything else. He gave me a nervous smile back. He was never one to smile like that. He probably thought I was going to tell him I was pregnant or something. Only with his child...uh...I did not just say that...oh, good. I didn't. It was just in my mind.  
  
We made our way to the lift, and once in I noticed the air was tense. How could I not notice? I probably scared the poor guy to death. If he hasn't died from anticipation, then I don't think he'll die from what I'm about to tell him. At least I hope he doesn't. I don't think that would look too good on my record. 'Killed CO from shock of secret' hmm...that doesn't sound right. Oh, well.  
  
"So...is it really that big of a secret that you can't say it in the middle of a completely empty mess hall?"  
  
He lied. It wasn't completely empty. There were, like, three people there. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Eh...it's not like I can always be trusting. There's a point in a woman's life where she needs to start being paranoid. Even though I'm not technically a woman at the moment, I guess this is the beginning of my paranoid stage. Bugger.  
  
"Ah...I'd like to tell you it isn't, but it would just be a lie."  
  
"Gee, Carter. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"  
  
"No, Sir. It's just...like I said, I've never told anyone before. Not even Dad knows."  
  
"Dad doesn't know? Wow. Now I really feel special. Not only did I get an interesting wake-up call, but I get to be the first one to hear some deep dark secret of yours. I didn't think you had any deep dark secrets."  
  
I had to smile at that. I have to give him credit, he does know how to lighten the mood.  
  
"Holy crap, Carter. You're not pregnant are you?"  
  
What did I tell you? I betcha he'll be asking be if I already have a kid for the next question.  
  
"No, Sir. I'm not pregnant. Don't you think you guys would have noticed mood swings or something if I had been? And no, I don't already have a kid at home in case you were wondering."  
  
I could have sworn I saw a look of relief pass over his face. But he went back to his impassive facial expression too quickly for me to be completely sure. I scoffed. Men. Oh, I must have scoffed loudly enough for him to have heard me. He gave me a questioning look. I shook my head, showing there was nothing to worry about.  
  
"You aren't deathly ill or anything like that either, are you?"  
  
Aw, he's such a sweet guy when he isn't being the hard-assed military leader. And what a nice ass he has.... Oy...I really need to stop thinking like that if I expect to get through this confession without laughing in his face.  
  
"No. It's nothing bad, not really. It more of something...weird."  
  
I didn't know what to say that would make him understand. I honestly couldn't find the right word. Why is my mind failing me again?! I really think God has it in for me. I seriously hope this isn't his way of telling me I'm not going to heaven. Thank you...we finally reached the surface, and were outside with our cake.  
  
"So...this big secret?"  
  
"Yes, Sir. The big secret...I have no idea where to begin."  
  
"Obviously, the beginning. I doubt the story will make much sense without it."  
  
I chuckled. It was true. A story can't make much, if any sense without a beginning. Why does it have to be so hard? Fine! I'll just keep it simple.  
  
"Alright. The 'big' secret is that I've known about the Ancient genetic code for quite some time. Meaning I knew I had it."  
  
Good job. Nice, short, succinct. Hopefully you won't have to get into that many details.  
  
"Why is that such a big secret? I mean, you've been a part of the Stargate Program for how many years now? It would be impossible to not know some of these things."  
  
I guess I left something out. Quite possibly the most important piece of information in the entire confession. Whoops.  
  
"Oh...I think I left something out. What I meant was, I've known about it since before I got involved with the Stargate Program. I found out about it around this age, actually."  
  
"Uh...how? There was no possible way you could have known..."  
  
"It was because of my mother that I knew. That's why it's always so hard to talk about her. If she could only see that I'm able to use the device her people created...she never would have dreamed that I would see it..."  
  
I trailed off. I found a lot harder than I imagined. It wasn't like he would think of me as a freak, but I knew it would make for an awkward situation. What I wouldn't do for a good interruption right now. But I guess I needed to get this over with. Damn.  
  
He put a hand on my shoulder, letting me know it was okay. I wished that he would just hug me, but I knew now was not the time for inappropriate thoughts. It might actually slip out this time. Wouldn't that be lovely? Two big confessions from me in one day. I'm like Usher. God help me. (A/N: I know that song wouldn't have been out yet, but oh well.)  
  
"She told me a few weeks before she died. That's why it hit me so hard. I figured out later on that she wasn't just part Ancient, but full Ancient."  
  
He stopped me. I wasn't sure why at that point, but my question was answered soon enough. I guess patience pays for something.  
  
"How? I mean, didn't they leave Earth like...several million years ago?"  
  
"Well, not all of them. For instance, we found Ayiana even after they'd left Earth and moved on. I'm not exactly sure how she survived long enough to be my mother...but she was, and she passed everything onto me. When I saw Ayiana, I knew. I felt the connection, but I couldn't communicate it. I think she may have been my aunt or something..."  
  
Well, I don't know about the aunt thing, but she could have been. She reminded me of my mother just a little bit. Maybe distantly related. Who knows?  
  
"Oh..."  
  
Gee, is that all he could say? Well, I guess I can forgive him since I was the one to drop the bombshell.  
  
"I can see through that façade, you know. You aren't as dumb as you claim to be. It's not something everyone has noticed, but I see it when I look in your eyes...you think it's funny."  
  
Granted, sometimes him acting stupid makes me smile, but why does he hide it? He doesn't have to hide it from me. I wouldn't tell anyone. It would be another one of our big secrets. It's nice to have secrets with a man you love...oops. Too much of an admission there. Oh, well.  
  
"What? I have no idea what you're talking about..."  
  
"Sure. And I'm the Easter bunny."  
  
"For all we know, you could be."  
  
"Alright, just give me this: be yourself when you're around me, okay? You don't have to do it all the time. I figured it out when you would always ask for explanations. I saw the look in your eyes when I explained it, I could see you understood. As for the briefings...I don't know about that."  
  
He started to fidget. Good. At least I'm making him uncomfortable enough that he'll listen to me.  
  
"Ah...so, how's Pete?"  
  
So much for him listening to me.  
  
"Well, he's dead now, so probably not so good."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, don't worry. He died after I broke up with him. There's no chance it was the 'Black Widow' curse that killed him. I didn't have any feelings left for the guy,"  
  
He looked at me strangely. Again.  
  
"By the way, did you know he was stalking me?!"  
  
"Ah...yes."  
  
"And you didn't think to tell me this?!"  
  
"I didn't think it was my place to interfere..."  
  
"Riiiight. Friends tell friends when they're being stalked by their boyfriends."  
  
"Oh-kay...well then I'm sorry. It won't happen again."  
  
Woo-hoo! I love making him squirm like that. He's so cute when he's uncomfortable. No! Must. Not. Say. That. Holy crap! Give it a rest will ya? I really don't understand why my conscience always tells me to stop that train of thought. It's already on its way, so why derail it?  
  
"Maybe we should head in, I mean, they might start to wonder where we went off to. It's almost midnight." I said,  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Are you gonna tell the guys about this?"  
  
"For now, I won't say anything to them. Hopefully this'll all blow over by the time it would even come up."  
  
He helped me up off the ground. What a gentleman. I can see why a lot of off-world ladies like him. Back off! He's mine! Seriously. I will take down any woman that even looks at him funny. I'll get him someday, so I have to keep the competition out of the way.  
  
We came back into the mountain complex and were surprised to see a few people waiting there for us. We just walked by them and they pulled us aside and put us in handcuffs! What's the bloody hell is going on?! Teal'c was standing there in between the SFs with a Zat ready in his hand.  
  
"Teal'c, buddy, what's going on?" Jack asked  
  
"You were caught attempting to escape the mountain. We have to detain you until we are sure you will not attempt it again."  
  
"Uh...Teal'c, we were coming back in the mountain. Not leaving it. But that is still no excuse to put us in handcuffs! I mean, I understand separate ones, but together?! Why?" I asked when it seemed it was a hopeless situation  
  
"That way, we may keep both of you detained. It will be more difficult to escape together than it would alone."  
  
Right. I think he's psycho. Well, he's Teal'c. I don't think mental illness affects Jaffa. Lucky.  
  
"But...together??" Jack asked  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is that all you have to say? I mean, what the heck are we supposed to do when we need to go to the bathroom? Take a shower? Sleep?! What?"  
  
"That is not my concern. I was only asked to oversee your apprehension."  
  
"Of all the..."  
  
"Riiiight. Can we go now? Without the cuffs?" Jack asked.  
  
I knew what the answer would be. Gosh, this place is getting predictable. Well, I guess I get to spend some quality time with my favorite colonel. Well, more than I already had. Yahoo!  
  
"I am afraid General Hammond has informed me that you shall remain in these...handcuffs until further notice." Teal'c stated  
  
"Someone is so going down for this. This is stupid."  
  
Jack was right. This is stupid. But I'm not prepared to kill anyone for this. It should make the sleeping arrangements...interesting. I would really love to giggle madly right now. Too bad everyone was still there, staring at us.  
  
"Come on, Sir. We might as well go to someone's quarters for the night...figure something out in the morning."  
  
I started to pull him by his wrist. He decided it wasn't worth an incident in the middle of the main corridor, so he followed me. I had remembered we left the cake on the surface. That sucks for me...but I guess the birds will be happy in the morning. Are we ever going to get to have that cake?! Knowing us, probably not.  
  
"So, who's quarters are we staying in tonight? We can't exactly go our separate ways..."  
  
I really wish those SFs would stop following us. I decided to tell them so. It isn't our fault we ended up like this...blame it on genetics. Now we have a legitimate reason to sleep together. No! Not like that! I mean...cuddle? Aw, hell. I don't know what I mean. It should prove interesting, though.  
  
"Hey, guys, you can leave us now. We aren't going to try and escape. Seriously. Go away!" I told them They left. Good riddance! "I guess we'll go to mine...since it's closest."  
  
"Sure, why not? Lead the way..."  
  
He didn't really have to lead the way, seeing as I already knew where his quarters were. I think he forgot that I've come to visit him more than once. Oh, well. At least I'm not a stalker like Pete. He got what was coming to him. Ha ha.  
  
"Well, okay...how are we going to sleep? I dunno if we'll both fit on the bed..."  
  
"We could if we tried..." I said as I gave him a wink and a smile.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"What? It's not like we can get in trouble."  
  
This really wasn't like me. But it was true. We couldn't get in trouble. The General had gotten us into this mess, so why not take advantage of it? I was fully planning on not letting this opportunity go to waste.  
  
"True...but, wouldn't that be uncomfortable?"  
  
"Who knows? We'll manage. Besides, it's a good excuse..."  
  
He knew what I was talking about. It would have been hard to miss the implications of that. Ah...the simple things in life. Like making your commanding officer very nervous. We had already gotten to his quarters by this time, and were just standing there in the middle of the doorway.  
  
"So..."  
  
"Yeah..." Very good conversationalists, aren't we? "This'll be awkward."  
  
"Oh yeah. Very. I guess we just have to get over that."  
  
He pulled me in the room and closed the door. Oh, now he decides he likes this idea. Interesting. Let's have a little fun, shall we?  
  
"You know all that 'unresolved sexual tension' between us? Well, I'm thinking of resolving it."  
  
I figured, hey, we're teenagers that are handcuffed together. We can claim raging hormones or something. So I pulled him by his jacket and kissed him full on the lips. After we broke apart he spoke,  
  
"Wow...well, that was strangely reminiscent of the time we had the 'touched' disease..."  
  
"You are never going to let that go, are you?" I said with a smile  
  
"I can't help it. We'd only known each other for a few months and there you were, coming onto me."  
  
"And you just had to stop it, didn't you? Gosh."  
  
"I don't think the General would have been too happy if you turned up pregnant."  
  
"Yeah well...can we just try and go to sleep now?"  
  
Sure, bring up that incident. The one I didn't have complete control over. Those were the good old days...before all the complications. I sort of miss them. And all those hugs he used to give me. Sometimes I really hate being military. You can't flick off your CO when he makes you angry, and you can't get hugs from him either. Stupid regulations.  
  
"Ah...sure. I still don't know how this is gonna work..."  
  
This time I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the bed. Who cares if there are cameras? Oh crap...I forgot about those when I kissed him. Oh, well. We can claim we were under the influence of alien technology. In a sense we still are. We are after all teenagers, aren't we? Good. Ironclad defense.  
  
"We just lay down and go to sleep? In order to fit on the bed," I moved around, trying to find a way it would work, "I think you'll have to hold me...with our faces to each other..."  
  
Yeah...this should turn out to be an interesting night. But I'm gonna love every minute of it.

A/N: Well, I'd say this is probably the longest chapter yet. Sorry it took till the end of the day. I got a tetanus shot and I fell asleep. Anyway, I hope you guys like it! Remember to review...since you know you want to make me a happy writer! ( Or just tell me you hated it. I don't care. Well, I do but...aren't you glad I put Teal'c in this chapter? It wasn't much, but I figured you'd start to think he'd dropped off the Earth or something. Right, anyway, I'll be sure to post on Friday!  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter


	5. The Pranksters and the Prankee

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: I'm so sorry I didn't update yesterday! My wrist was really bothering me, and I couldn't type! Thank you, Nimloth-n-Andunie for telling me about the anonymous reviewer thing! I feel like an idiot for not knowing about that. Though I am wondering, did you delete your review? 'Cause it's not there anymore.... Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, SG1-Fanfic, and Mishy-mo for your reviews! I might have to space out the updates a little more, I might be suffering from writer's block. Damn.  
  
Sam's POV  
  
You know, I really do love it when you wake up in the arms of a guy you like...unfortunately for me; I woke up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. It wasn't because he was snoring, since he doesn't actually snore. And I'm thanking God for that right now. I guess it was because I had this nightmare that Pete was really Anubis and he had come back to kill Jack and me for ruining his life. So I guess he didn't have that mask on the keep in his "essence". It was more a disguise.  
  
But Pete is dead. He has to be. Please let him be dead. Oh crap, if he isn't...he's the boyfriend that won't die! Now that scared me. Usually when a guy that has feelings for me dies, he dies protecting his planet or something. Well, except Martouf, he died being evil...but that wasn't my point. I ramble when I'm half asleep. Now I know why Jack can't even put up with it during briefings. I probably do it on missions too.  
  
So I'm sitting here, in the dark, wrapped in the arms of my favorite colonel, having thoughts about all the guys that have died around me. Oh yeah, it's a wonderful life I have. It's enough to give Thor nightmares. Do Asgards even have nightmares? I guess that would be my point, if he doesn't have them now, my life would certainly be cause for them. I think. Lord...I need to shut my brain off. Where's the damn switch?!  
  
I let out a big sigh. I guess Jack must have either felt it, or heard it because he awoke not one minute later.  
  
"What's wrong, Carter?" he asked, his tone full of concern.  
  
"Ah...nothing. I just couldn't sleep."  
  
I don't think the guy believed me. Please, I am not in the mood for some talk about my feelings or something like that.  
  
"Carter. Out with it. No games."  
  
He didn't say anything about lies. I decided not to tell him a lie. Funny how a guy can have that much power over you. I never felt that with Pete. Now I'm glad I didn't. Alrighty, the truth it is.  
  
I mumbled it the first time. He obviously didn't hear me. What happened to that super-sensitive hearing?!  
  
"What did you say, Carter?"  
  
"Oi...I said that I had a nightmare about Anubis being Pete and coming to kill me or something..."  
  
"I would offer to give you a hug, but given our current situation..."  
  
It wasn't so bad. I was already in his arms, so he just tightened them around my middle. Well, one of the anyway. We each had one arm sitting on the bed between us, due to those stupid cuffs. So he tightened the one arm around me.  
  
"But really, was that the whole nightmare? Because you deal with stuff like that every day, and you seem fine with it..."  
  
Damn you and your deductive reasoning skills. I guess you actually do pride yourself on them.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Carter!"  
  
"Fine! Okay, well Pete was actually Anubis..."  
  
"Yes, I got that part."  
  
"Well if you don't want me to finish..."  
  
"Alright, tell me already."  
  
"So Pete was really Anubis and he had come to Earth to kill us..."  
  
"Uh...yeah. He always tries to kill us. That's what he does."  
  
"No! That's not what I meant. Of course he always tries to kill us. I meant us." I said as I motioned my hand between us.  
  
"Why would he only want to kill me and you?"  
  
"Because he thought that I secretly loved you and that's why I never wanted to marry him...so he figured he'd get rid of the problem all at once. Then he could take over the planet because the best team wasn't really there anymore."  
  
"Oh...well it was just a dream wasn't it?"  
  
"And if it isn't a dream, then we'll both die because he's a jealous son of a..."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Good, I don't think he really noticed the part where I said he wanted to kill us because he thought I was secretly in love with Jack.  
  
"Did you say he wanted to kill us because he thought we were secretly in love with each other??"  
  
Typical. He doesn't notice until after I think it's safe. I really would love to smack him right now.  
  
"Actually, I said he wanted to kill us because he thought I was in love with you."  
  
I gave a nervous laugh. Or was it a giggle? It's pathetic that I can't even tell the difference anymore.  
  
"Oh...do you want to try and go back to sleep now?"  
  
Change the subject...thanks. Maybe we will have both forgotten about this by morning. Though knowing my luck, probably not. Bugger.  
  
Apparently we did fall asleep, because we woke up several hours later to the blaring of an alarm clock. Did we even set the alarm clock? I gathered that it startled the hell out of Jack, because he awoke so abruptly that he rolled off the bed, taking me with him.  
  
Ow. Of all the ways to wake up, this was probably not the least painful. When he rolled, taking me with him, I was the one that got to land un- gracefully on the floor while letting out a small scream. I repeat: ow. I have the strange feeling that I will have back problems within the next few years because this keeps happening.  
  
"Ow..."  
  
"Ah...sorry, Carter. I didn't know we had set the alarm."  
  
I grunted out: "We didn't."  
  
"I smell a rat..."  
  
"You know, as nice as this is, I need to get up to pop my back. I think that fall did a little number on me."  
  
Meaning: I think the fact that you fell on me is going to give me back problems later on in life, so get off me!  
  
He got off me and helped me up. I had to do almost a full back bend before I heard anything pop. I felt his eyes on me the whole time. When I got back up I said,  
  
"Gymnastics."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So...breakfast?"  
  
"Yes. And on the way, I think we need to have a little talk with our favorite Space Monkey."  
  
Heh. "You think Daniel did it?"  
  
"Either that, or Teal'c has developed a much bigger sense of humor than he lets on."  
  
"Let's go then. I think we can make him feel guilty enough with just our facial expressions."  
  
We walked down the hall, with these annoyed looks plastered on our faces. We finally reached Daniel's office/lab. Lucky for him, he wasn't in there at the present time. He was probably going to get his fourth cup of coffee. I swear, if you cut that man, he'll bleed coffee.  
  
"Probably getting his 'first' cup of coffee from the mess hall."  
  
I snickered. He used the little air quotation marks when he said "first".  
  
"I wouldn't doubt it."  
  
So we walked. On our way there, we saw Daniel headed our way. I looked at Jack and we plastered those looks of annoyance on our faces again. As soon as Daniel saw us, he quickly tried to change course and go in the other direction. Yup. It was definitely Daniel that set the alarm clock. But didn't we lock the door after we came in last night? Oops. We didn't. I'll have to make sure I tell Jack about that later.  
  
"Daniel! Come here! We just want to talk to you." I said in a falsely sweet voice.  
  
He slowly turned around to face us. I would have laughed at the look on his face if I weren't supposed to look serious.  
  
"So, Daniel, make any stupid decisions lately?" Jack asked  
  
"I make a lot of stupid decisions, why are asking about anything specific?"  
  
Ha ha. 'I make a lot of stupid decisions' oh yeah, that'll work. I can think of one stupid decision: the time I had the Entity downloaded into my brain. I got my consciousness downloaded into a damn computer, Jack shot me and killed me, and then I had to scream for freakin' long time before anyone noticed me. To say that was just a stupid decision would be putting it mildly. It was an astonishingly stupid decision. Thank you, Daniel.  
  
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of, did you break into anyone's private quarter's last night?"  
  
"Janet told me it was okay!"  
  
"Told you what was okay?" I asked with a raised eyebrow  
  
"What? You weren't talking about..."  
  
Holy crap! I did not need to know about their personal lives! I will wash, but I will never be clean! I think I need to stuff cotton in my ears when around either of those two.  
  
"Ew...we were talking about something regarding an alarm clock..." I said, after recovering slightly from that revelation.  
  
"Oh!" his cheeks turned slightly red, "I didn't do anything."  
  
I snorted.  
  
"Well, not anything regarding an alarm clock, anyway."  
  
"Do you know anyone that would have?"  
  
He looked to his left, "Uh...Teal'c?"  
  
"Mm hmm. Maybe. I guess we'll just have to go ask him a few questions." Jack said.  
  
We left Daniel standing in the middle of the hall.  
  
"He's lying. That little geek did it."  
  
"How can you tell, Sir?"  
  
"A friend of mine was a cop, he told me that when someone looks to their left, they're making up a lie. When they look to their right, it's a memory recall."  
  
"You got that off of NCIS, didn't you?"  
  
"You know me and crime dramas..."  
  
The man never ceases to amaze me. Crime dramas? Of course, I watch them so...  
  
"Are we just gonna let it slide?"  
  
"No. I'm thinking a little bit of revenge..."  
  
"Ooh! I like the way you think..."  
  
"Just don't tell anyone about that...I don't want to ruin my reputation."  
  
"Oh, damn. There goes my little tape I was planning on showing the base: 'Colonel O'Neill: The Thinking Man' oh yeah, that would have been good."  
  
"..."  
  
"Oh-kay...not so funny. At least I'll admit that."  
  
Well, to make up for my bad joke, we'll have to come up with something really good for our return prank on Daniel. Maybe we should get Teal'c involved. I mean, who would suspect the guy of playing pranks? Everyone still thinks he's the stoic warrior. If only they knew...  
  
"Let's get Teal'c involved. No one would suspect him. Maybe Janet as well. I mean, just because she's dating him doesn't mean she would pass up the chance to prank him."  
  
"Time to pay a visit to our favorite doctor. At least this time she won't be poking me full of holes."  
  
Now all we have to do is come up with a brilliant plan and execute it. The diabolical genius of a doctor should help. Along with a tactical genius, a former First Prime, and an equally diabolical and tactical genius of an astrophysicist.  
  
We walked to the infirmary in silence, each lost in our own thoughts.  
  
"Hey, Janet."  
  
"Hi Sam, Colonel. What can I do for you?"  
  
We were acutely aware of all the staff staring at us. Oh yeah...we're still handcuffed together.  
  
"We were wondering if you could help us. Could we go in your office?"  
  
She ushered us into her office and closed the door behind her.  
  
"So, what can I do for you two?"  
  
"What? No questions about our...predicament?" I asked  
  
"No. I'm aware of the reasoning behind those handcuffs." Janet said while not trying to hide her smile. People these days...  
  
"A little help then?" Jack asked.  
  
"No. Not with those handcuffs. But what did you come here for?"  
  
"We're trying to plan a prank on Daniel. We thought maybe you and Teal'c would like to help us out."  
  
"Why are you going to prank Daniel? What'd he do this time?"  
  
"Well, there was this little incident with an alarm clock earlier, and I have a feeling he let this happen to us."  
  
"Yeah. The guy gave us no advanced warning." (A/N: See? I finally put the title in there.)  
  
"Ah. Out for a little revenge, then? I'd start with replacing his coffee with decaf or something he loathes. Then...I'll have to think about this for a moment..."  
  
"So, you're going to help us?" I asked  
  
"Sure. I can never resist a good prank."  
  
"Could we maybe make him think he's dying? Then he'd do a lot of really stupidly embarrassing stuff, then we tell him it was a joke?" Jack asked  
  
"I don't know. It might be a little too much. He'd probably die of a heart attack before the prank ever really got started. Besides, he's already died too many times. He's always come back, so he might think he's invincible. Then he actually would die." Janet said  
  
"Well, we could always make him think he'll be playing the bad guy again in the training scenario. At least he got shot that time." Jack said, probably reminiscing on how much fun that part was.  
  
"We have to think of something funny, that isn't too dangerous. I doubt General Hammond will be too happy if we killed a member of his flagship team." I said  
  
"We could always go with the trick they used in high school." Jack said  
  
"What would that be, Colonel?" Janet asked  
  
"They break into the guy's locker and pour a whole lot of green Jell-O into it."  
  
"Sir, they never did that at my high school."  
  
"Okay, well they used it at mine. Give me a break."  
  
"We could actually use that...make him think that's all we're gonna do to him. Then hit him with the big stuff." Janet suggested.  
  
"Good idea...I like it. Of course, getting our hands on all that Jell-O will be pretty hard. I guess we'll have to use more colors than just green. We'll stuff it in his locker. But we'll have to take out anything important. Copy it and put those copies in. He'll freak out, thinking all of his important information is ruined." I said  
  
I snickered again. Oh yeah, this should be loads of fun. Everyone will probably think we're being too harsh on him. It was only an alarm clock. My excuse is don't mess with hormonal teenagers. They're hell-bent on revenge, and they'll get it. Go us!  
  
"Start with the coffee and the Jell-O. Now, go talk to Teal'c and see if he has any ideas. Oh and Sam, see the nurse on your way out." Janet said  
  
"Sure...and what for? There isn't anything wrong, is there?"  
  
"You'll have to ask the nurse."  
  
"Fine! I'll go. Gosh." I said, feeling a tad irked.  
  
"Major Carter, I was looking at your record and it seems that you're due for a tetanus shot."  
  
"Uh...what?"  
  
"Yes, it seems you were due for one months ago," she looked at me, trying to hide her laughter, "Even if you weren't, at your current age you are due for one."  
  
I'm going to get this witch fired. This is not funny! I can't believe Jack is just standing there, not helping me at all. He was actually smiling. Ugh. Men.  
  
"At my current age? You mean my real chronological age, or the body I'm in now, Lieutenant?" I said, emphasizing her rank.  
  
She dares to laugh at me, and thinks she'll get away with it? Fat chance.  
  
"Uh...either age," she cleared her throat, "Ma'am."  
  
Good. She remembers whose boss.  
  
I gave her one look, and then I just walked out of the infirmary, Jack hanging at my wrist. I bet I didn't even need a shot. It was probably Janet being a double agent. Nah, I can trust Janet. Hopefully.  
  
"So, shall we search for Teal'c and recruit him for our daring plan?" Jack asked after I dragged him out of the infirmary.  
  
"I guess so. I can't really see why not. I can't believe you."  
  
"Uh...why?"  
  
"She was making fun of me, and you just stood there! Hell of a CO you are."  
  
"Carter!"  
  
"I don't think I'll apologize this time. It's true. I mean, you could have at least told her to shut up or something."  
  
"Eh...I thought it was funny."  
  
"I know, that's why I'm so mad. I would walk out on your right now, but the problem is...I'm still handcuffed to you. I hate my life right now."  
  
I had to complain to someone, and lucky for me he was right there.  
  
"What? Is it so bad that you're stuck with me?"  
  
I think I may have actually hurt his feelings. And now I feel bad. I really want to scream! Lie, Carter, lie!  
  
"No...it isn't that bad."  
  
Damn it! How is it that I can never lie to this man?! Crap, this sucks!  
  
"Then what is your problem?"  
  
"Uh...female problems?"  
  
Maybe he'll actually believe that one.  
  
"Nice try."  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
"So, let's go find Teal'c."  
  
Changing the subject always works. At least for him it does.  
  
"Alright, Carter. If you don't want to tell me what's wrong..."  
  
No! Not the guilt trip. I must not fall for it. If I know what's going on, then I won't fall for it. Please, don't let me fall for it. Again.  
  
"At this point, no I don't want to tell you what's wrong."  
  
He looked the other way, "Thank you, Lord..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You just said 'thank you, Lord'..."  
  
"No I didn't."  
  
"Yes you did."  
  
Yes, I did. Damn that mouth of mine. I need duct tape! Where's the duct tape when you need it? Seriously. I need that duct tape. What has this device done to me? I'm like a five year old when it comes to shutting up. If we don't fix this soon, I'm going off the freakin' deep end.  
  
Diversionary tactics: big fat zero. Stick to original plan: deny, deny, deny. If all else fails, run like hell! Oh, wait. That won't work. I'm handcuffed to the thing I'm trying to get away from. Damn.  
  
"Uh...no I didn't?"  
  
"You did."  
  
"Can we just drop it?"  
  
"Uh...okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Good boy. I swear to God if I just said that out loud, I'll kill myself right now with that fire ax by the elevator.  
  
So, we were off to find Teal'c and recruit him for our "daring" plan. Gee, I feel like I'm back in high school. And I'm not going to lie. I'm loving every minute of it.  
  
A/N: Like I said, I'm so sorry for it taking so long. It took me around five hours to think of this chapter. That's really slow for me. But I'll try and continue! Tell me what you think. Like it? Don't like it? Think it should be banned from this site? Let me know! I'm not sure how long this story is going to continue...so who knows? It may end up being twenty chapters. That would be a long story...er...anyway, thanks for all the reviews I've gotten so far!  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter 


	6. The Pranks Continue

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: First off, I'd like to say thanks to Sci Fi Fan Gillian and dinkydow for their reviews! I figured out that other review didn't get deleted. Again, I feel like an idiot. Oi. At least I fixed the review problem. I don't know if I'm actually suffering from writer's block at the moment, I guess once I start writing the ideas just come to me. I don't know. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this update!  
  
Sam's POV (I really don't have to keep putting this, do I? Oh, well.)  
  
We're still getting weird looks in the halls as we try and find Teal'c. You'd think these people had never seen teenagers handcuffed together before. I'm sure a fair amount of these people have been arrested before. I've checked their files. The question is: how'd they manage to get assigned here if they've been arrested? Who knows?  
  
"Do you think he'll help us? I mean, I know he laughed at us, but that doesn't mean he'll want to prank anyone." I said as we continued walking down the hallway  
  
"It's Teal'c. He may not look like it, but he can't get enough of pulling pranks on people. Like during that time loop a few years ago...we had some fun."  
  
"Like what? You looked frustrated the day we shut that thing down."  
  
"Ahem...nothing. If you'd been through at least three months of the same day, wouldn't you be frustrated?"  
  
"Of course I would. I think. But seriously, what was that look for?"  
  
"What look?"  
  
"That look! The one you gave me at breakfast when Daniel asked you if you were tempted to do something crazy!"  
  
"Oh, that look. I don't remember."  
  
The man was lying through his teeth. I hate it when he does that. So I decided to throw all military protocol out the window and I slapped his arm. The one I wasn't attached to, that is.  
  
"Hey! I could bring you up on charges for assaulting a superior officer!"  
  
"But you wouldn't..."  
  
Ha! I had him on that one. You know, it's nice to have a CO that has a soft spot for you. That, and it's probably because I'm a woman that he would go easy on me. Hmm.  
  
"No, I wouldn't. And I can see you're taking full advantage of that."  
  
Yeah, he's right. I am. It's just so damn fun!  
  
"Of course not. I would never do that."  
  
"You know I can tell when you're lying to me."  
  
"You can? I mean...I wasn't lying to you."  
  
Whoops. Heh. Almost got caught with that one.  
  
"You were."  
  
"Oh, look! Hi, Teal'c! We were just looking for you!"  
  
Saved by the Jaffa. I resisted the urge to sigh in relief at that moment.  
  
"What has transpired?"  
  
Tricky man. Avoiding all mention of these stupid cuffs. He's the one that put us in them!  
  
"We were just wondering if you could help us with something..."  
  
"Yes, let's go into my lab and talk there."  
  
"Indeed. Uncover the pathway."  
  
"Ahem...lead the way, Carter."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
Se we were on our way. I had a feeling that Teal'c would be eager to join our little band of merry pranksters. Though you wouldn't know it just by looking at the man. It's great to have allies on this base. You never know when you might need to get a little revenge. Did that sound too dramatic? Oh, well.  
  
We got to my lab a few moments later. Once inside, I made sure the door had closed before opening my mouth to speak.  
  
"Okay, Teal'c. We need your help with a prank we are trying to pull."  
  
"Whom do you wish to...prank?"  
  
"Well, Danny boy decided it would be utterly hilarious if he set my alarm clock to wake us up."  
  
"Is that not the function of the clock alarm?"  
  
"Of course it is...what I meant was that he set it when it didn't need to be set. It woke us up and scared the hell out of us."  
  
"Yeah, and I have a feeling that this will be the first in a long line of back problems for me. I'll kill that archaeologist. Just wait till I get my hands on him..."  
  
"Carter...what did I say about that?"  
  
"Fine...but you're only saying that because you weren't the one that landed on your back with someone on top of you."  
  
Teal'c raised his eyebrow, apparently that last statement sounded strange to him.  
  
"It's not like it sounds! It was the handcuffs, I swear!" I said, trying to explain what happened.  
  
"Uh...can we get on with it?"  
  
"Yes, right. Teal'c, we need your help on this prank. We need to make it something funny, but not mentally or physically damaging."  
  
I got a look from Jack.  
  
"Okay, maybe a little bit of physical damage. But nothing that'll be hard to repair. I may be mad at the guy, but I don't want to kill him. I wouldn't never get that mark off my record."  
  
Jack looked at me in astonishment. Apparently he didn't know I was capable of making that kind of joke. After spending over seven years with the guy, it's hard not to pick up a few things from him. Though I used to make those jokes all the time, just not around them.  
  
"What? I can make a joke like that, can't I?"  
  
"Uh...sure. I just didn't think you would."  
  
"May we continue the proceedings?"  
  
"Right. Well, we just want to prank Daniel. Dr. Fraiser suggested that we switch his coffee with decaf. That would at least annoy him until we get something bigger. Then Ja... I mean Colonel O'Neill suggested that we put a crap load of Jell-O in his locker...what do you think?"  
  
Oh...crap. I almost slipped up that time. I think they noticed. The main reason being they were both giving me weird looks. Well, Jack was. Teal'c doesn't really give any looks but the impassive and raised eyebrow.  
  
"At this time I have no suggestions."  
  
"What? Jaffa children never had pranks to play on each other? That's impossible!" Jack said  
  
You know, maybe I should stop calling him Jack. Even if it is just in my head. I almost got myself into trouble a minute ago. Nah...as long as it doesn't happen again, I should be fine. Hopefully.  
  
"But you won't tell Daniel about this, will you?"  
  
"Indeed I will not. I must return to my quarters."  
  
"Okay, go ahead Teal'c. Um...thanks." Jack said as Teal'c walked out the door  
  
"We can always get the mess hall to make only decaf, or just change Daniel's own personal coffee maker...if we use the mess hall coffee makers, then we'll let everyone know so that they can find some caffeine."  
  
"Sure...can we go see the General about getting these damn things off?" Jack asked  
  
"What? You're already tired of being around me? You could have just said something..."  
  
"No...I didn't say that. I just have something to do..."  
  
"And you can't tell me what that something is. Right. Fine, we'll go see about the removal of these cuffs." I said as we started walking  
  
We made our way to the General's office in almost record time. I think there was at least one record we didn't break. He really must have wanted these cuffs off. Now I'm hurt. Gosh.  
  
"Colonel, Major, what can I do for you?" Sergeant Davis asked as we entered the control room.  
  
"We were looking for General Hammond."  
  
"He's in his office."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
We went up the stairs, through the briefing room, and walked straight into the General's office.  
  
"Sir, can you take these things off now?" Jack asked, holding up our joined wrists  
  
"Do you promise not to run away?"  
  
Now the General's doing it too? Has this world gone completely, utterly mad?! We may look like children, but we aren't! Hmm...maybe we should prank the General too. I'll have to mention it later.  
  
"Yes, Sir. We promise not to run away." I said, feeling quite stupid  
  
"Alright. But if you get into any more trouble, they go right back on."  
  
"Then we'll make sure we don't get into any trouble." I said  
  
That last statement translates into: We promise not to get caught doing something stupid so we don't get in trouble.  
  
"Right, what she said."  
  
"I'm going to hold you to that." General Hammond said as he unlocked the cuffs.  
  
"Ah...thank you, Sir." Jack said  
  
Now it feels weird not having this weight on my wrist. Damn. Now I miss it. I'm turning sappy. I need my alien "doohickeys" now. Maybe I can find something good for my own little prank...  
  
We left the General's office and went downstairs, out of the control room and down the hall.  
  
"So, do you want to take care of the coffee, or should I?" I asked  
  
"I think you should. I'll take care of the Jell-O."  
  
"Oh, Sir, make sure you take everything important out..."  
  
"Yes, mom."  
  
"Hey! Is that your way of implying that I'm old?"  
  
"No...but you can't order me around. I'm ranking officer in this operation."  
  
"Heh...at this moment I'm not inclined to follow your orders. We are the same age, after all."  
  
"Ugh...Carter. Fine. I'm sorry. Does that make you feel better?"  
  
"Hmm...the Colonel apologizing...yeah, I guess that makes me feel better."  
  
"Whatever. I'll see you later."  
  
I snickered as I said, "Bye, Sir."  
  
Ah...now for the good part. I have a feeling the staff will be more than happy to help me out in this endeavor of ours. This is just the beginning...he doesn't have a chance. Poor guy. Not. I'll just have to go find some people who aren't so sympathetic to Daniel. He's got most of the women on this base under his spell. Mostly the infirmary staff.  
  
I got them to change the type of coffee with relative ease. I guess I have a few followers as well. Hmm...must mention that to Janet. And to Jack so that he'll go on a jealous rampage, then finally declaring his love for me. Yeah...I didn't think that would happen either. But a girl can hope.  
  
I went to the locker room where Jack should have been doing the Jell-O bit. Hopefully he remembered to take out all the documents for copy. Probably not. So I guess it's a good thing I already did that. I quietly came into the locker room, careful not to make a sound. Came up behind Jack and decided to jump him. In the non-sexual sense of course.  
  
You'd think the man would have noticed something. I mean, he is after all Special-Ops trained. Oh, well. I jumped at him from the side, and took him down. It was quite funny to see him scared out of his wits. Especially because it was me who scared him. As soon as he saw my face, I couldn't hold it in. I started howling with laughter. The look on his face was priceless! This is one of those times I wish I had a camera!  
  
"Carter! What the hell was that for?! Can't you see I was working?!" Jack yelled.  
  
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist!" I said, while laughing.  
  
"I thought we were pulling the pranks on Danny? Not that I mind you jumping me..."  
  
HEY! When I heard that, I immediately stopped laughing. Does he always have to remind me of that? Now no one is safe! They're both going down...  
  
"Excuse me...you can't afford to talk until you tell me what happened in the time loops...all of them."  
  
Ha ha. That's the quickest I've ever seen him close his mouth...I must remember that trigger.  
  
"Did you remember to take out Daniel's stuff for copies?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
I gasped. We are so screwed. Then I saw the smirk on his face. That weasel!  
  
"Why you..."  
  
I couldn't think of anything to call him that wouldn't earn me a date with a lawyer.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"One of these days..."  
  
"One of these days you'll do what?"  
  
"I have no idea..."  
  
"Well, if you're done using incomplete sentences, can we get on with this prank? I need your help."  
  
"Fine. What do you want me to do?"  
  
"Go to the mess hall and find some more Jell-O. Oh, and make sure Danny isn't coming in here any time soon."  
  
"What do you want me to do? Lock him in his office?"  
  
"If you feel it's necessary, then yes."  
  
"Wow...this should be fun." I said, showing an evil grin  
  
"And if it's not, I'm blaming you."  
  
"Not if I blame you first..."  
  
Oh yeah, brilliant. You seriously need to work on that. You sound like a freaking five year old! Someone please slap me.  
  
"Try and come back soon."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
I left the locker room, feeling a little happier. I jumped the colonel, made him speechless, and I get to lock Daniel in his office! This should be one hell of a day. I just have to make sure that everyone at the security station knows not to respond to Daniel's calls.  
  
I went looking for Daniel, but I hadn't found him after about 20 minutes of searching. So I decided I should probably go for the Jell-O. Though I'm not too sure Jack actually needs it anymore. If not, I guess I have my midnight snack planned out for me.  
  
I went back to the locker room only to find that I had been right. Jack had already finished with the locker by the time I got back. So I went to put the Jell-O in my quarters. They don't know I have a mini-fridge in there, and I'm not planning to tell them.  
  
I was still looking for Daniel when I decided to go back to his office to see if he was there. When I opened the door, I got a big surprise. Ugh...slime. I saw Jack in the corner, holding the string attached to the bucket whose contents were now all over me. That's it! I walked over to him, leaving a trail of slime on my way.  
  
"Carter? What are you doing in here? I thought you were looking for Daniel?"  
  
Dumb question. This is Daniel's office, which meant I was still looking for him.  
  
"Oh, I guess you still are, aren't you?"  
  
Thank you, Colonel Obvious.  
  
"Uh...I'm sorry?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Carter...say something..."  
  
I walked even closer to him. At this point, our noses were almost touching. I was just staring at him, and he was staring right back at me. Albeit his was more of a nervous stare. He was also watching me anxiously awaiting my next move. I think he believed I was about to kill him. But I can't kill him if I want to one day have his children...ACK! I have to stop thinking about that. At least for now.  
  
"Okay, if you just want to stare...that's fine..."  
  
I backed away and let him get up from the floor. But I still said nothing.  
  
"Seriously, this whole 'silence' thing is starting to scare me..."  
  
"Run."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Run. Because when I find you..."  
  
With that he tore out of the room and down the hall. I ran out after him yelling,  
  
"Your ass is so mine, O'Neill!"  
  
Needless to say, that got a few looks from the passing personnel. Or maybe it was the green slime still dripping from my body. I really don't know. But I did know that Jack was gonna get it big time. Or at least I would make him think that. Nah, he's gonna get it.  
  
I think I'll put some nice, sharp tacks in his boots while he's asleep...then I'll help him get more slime. Maybe next time we should keep ourselves handcuffed together when pulling pranks, then we wouldn't have to worry about this happening again.  
  
I'll talk to the General about getting those cuffs put back on. I'll just tell him Jack's been getting into a lot of trouble and then he'll get stuck with me. Ah the ways I can torment him. What fun. That and I can sleep in the same bed as him again...it was such a nice feeling.  
  
At least I'm not thinking about children again. Oh, I just thought about it didn't I? Damn it all to hell! As long as I don't say it in front of him, I should be fine. If I do, I can go to my favorite option: run like hell!  
  
I ran into Janet in the hallway, and had to tell her about the incident. She told me that Jack was actually hiding in the infirmary. I guess he thought I would never look there, considering it's his least favorite place. It sucks to be him right now.  
  
"Hey, Colonel. How's it going?"  
  
I found him sitting on the bed with the curtains pulled around him. I saw his shadow jump at the sound of my voice. It's nice to know I have this kind of effect on him.  
  
"Uh...hi, Carter. I'm...fine. How are you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm still covered in slime. And I haven't found Daniel."  
  
I'll make him think he's in the clear, and hit him with revenge when he least expects it. Like Dad always used to tell me: revenge is a dish best served cold. Which reminds me, it's getting a little chilly in here. I really need to take a shower.  
  
"I haven't either."  
  
"That's because you've been in here since you ran out of Daniel's office an hour ago."  
  
"True...are you going to kill me?"  
  
"No. Not yet, anyway. I still need you."  
  
"Thank God."  
  
"But next time you try the slime over the door thing, let me know first."  
  
"Yeah...I guess I should apologize, shouldn't I?"  
  
"Mm...yeah. I would say that's a nice course of action." I said, while nodding.  
  
I have a feeling this will work out better now. Only because he's so afraid of me that he'll listen to anything I tell him to do. If he won't do it because he's afraid of me, he'll do it because he loves me. Well, maybe he doesn't. But I've always thought he does.  
  
He was just staring at me. Again. I don't think he realizes I catch him as much as I do. But it's so cute! Really, I need to stop thinking like this. It's turning my brain to mush. Then it won't function, I won't be able to pull off the prank, or keep my job, or confuse the hell out of people. If that happened, my life would be over.  
  
At least I'd still have my health. Yeah, sure. Whatever.  
  
"Let's go pay a little visit to your Space Monkey."  
  
"Yes, why don't we do that..."  
  
"After we finish this prank on Daniel, you better watch your back."  
  
"I thought you said you weren't going to kill me?"  
  
"Oh, I'm not. I just said watch your back. You never know when I might...pounce on an opportunity."  
  
"Ha ha. Very funny."  
  
"I am, aren't I?"  
  
"Surprisingly for a scientist, you are."  
  
"I'll have to take that as a compliment. Because you know if you insult me, I will have to kill you."  
  
He smiled nervously as I dragged him out of the infirmary. Yeah...I miss the handcuffs. I'm going to talk to the General about this. I'll tell him I fear for the Colonel's safety. You know, that he might inadvertently hurt himself or something. If he doesn't believe me...then I'll tell him...well, I'll think of it when the time comes. For now, I'll just help Jack make more slime for Daniel's office door. What good is being a scientist if you can't create slime?  
  
A/N: Sorry it took me so long once again. I liked bits and pieces of this chapter...but let me know what you guys think! Well, I'll try to get another chapter up by Wednesday, but I can't guarantee it. I still think my writing gets worse with each chapter...but I hope not. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think!  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter 


	7. Manifestations of the Ancient Kind

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, blackiebrens, and Typically Head-Over-Heels for their reviews! I think for now I'll keep it in Sam's POV, unless everyone wants me to do some of Jack's as well. Coincidentally I was planning on giving them their powers in this chapter...now that I've given it away, I think I'll just start the chapter now...  
  
Sam's POV  
  
After Jack and I left the infirmary, or more accurately, I dragged him out, I decided I'd leave him to take a shower. I met up with him again fifteen minutes later. Then I got this weird feeling. I brushed it off, maybe it was something I ate. Wait a minute, did I even eat this morning? Uh...  
  
"Oh! I have a great idea for another prank!" I said as I pulled him to the side.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, we can get Janet to tell Daniel she's pregnant...it would freak him out. Completely. Maybe she could even tell him that she doesn't think the child is his?"  
  
"Good idea on the pregnant thing. But I'm not too sure about telling him the kid isn't his."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I may be mad at him, but that would just kill him if he thought Janet was cheating on him. Then I'd feel bad."  
  
"Yeah...but let's go talk to Janet, shall we?"  
  
We made our way back to the infirmary. I might as well move my stuff in there. I've practically taken up residence in that place. On our way, we ran into Daniel, who was covered in some very colorful globs of Jell-O. A very, ahem, strange conversation ensued,  
  
"Hey, do you guys know anything about this colored Jell-O in my locker?"  
  
We both looked at each other, fighting the laughter that was bubbling to the surface.  
  
"Uh...no? I have no idea what you're talking about." I said  
  
"Neither do I. Just go get someone to clean it up."  
  
"Y—you don't understand! All my important papers, translations, everything was in there! It's all ruined!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Daniel. Maybe you had some copies lying around somewhere?" I asked him, knowing that there were some. In a place he wouldn't dare venture into: Jack's office.  
  
"No! I didn't! All that hard work! Months of translations, pictures of artifacts, everything! Gone!"  
  
"Oh, Daniel, stop being so melodramatic. It'll be fine." I said  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure if you have a cup of coffee everything will be fine!"Jack said

"Coffee!" as he said this, he was visibly drooling.  
  
With that said, he walked off. It sucks for him now since all the coffee is decaf. The poor guy is going to be insane by the end of the day. Darn. Well, I guess we should continue our trek to Janet's office.  
  
"Well...let's go."  
  
"Yes, let us go." Jack said, not hiding his childish grin.  
  
When we arrived at the infirmary, we were in for a big surprise.  
  
"Oh, fu--"  
  
"Carter! I would have expected that from myself...but not you. Potty mouth."  
  
"Hello, Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill. So nice to see you again."  
  
"You! Get out of here!"  
  
"I'm here to inform you--"  
  
I mock gasped, "No! Are you here to tell us that due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off?"  
  
They all stared at me blankly. Well, except Jack. He thought it was funny.  
  
"What? It's a valid question."  
  
"No. I'm here to inform you that the NID--"  
  
"You know, I'm getting really sick of those guys. They always want something from us. It's always Beta 'gate this, steal technology that, testing on aliens...don't you people ever take a break?!" Jack asked  
  
"No, they don't take a break. What I mean is--"  
  
"I know they don't take a break. What do you want?" Jack said  
  
"Will you people let me talk?!"  
  
"No. Well, yes. But that's the only sentence you get to finish." I told him, knowing full well that was an empty vow.  
  
By now you're all probably wondering who this man is. Well, let's just say he's a very annoying and biased Senator. Know who it is yet? All right, I'll tell you. His name is Robert Kinsey. Shocker, isn't it? Yeah, I didn't think so.  
  
"With no due respect, what the hell do you want from us?"  
  
"You forgot the 'sir' part at the end." I whispered to Jack  
  
"And your point is?"  
  
"I don't really have one."  
  
"You'll need to come with us."  
  
When the hell did guards get here? I never noticed them before. We're screwed.  
  
"I don't think so." Jack and I said in unison  
  
But the guards came to grab us anyway. Well, they went to grab Jack. The sonofabitch came to grab me himself. Why was everyone just standing there? Janet and all the staff were just standing there.  
  
I was pissed off. I threw out my hands to stop him when something amazing happened. A bright white-blue light shot out of my hands and stopped him dead in his tracks. He collapsed on the floor.  
  
I stared at my hands in awe and horror. There is no possible way I won't get in trouble for this. I couldn't take it anymore. I started to fall, when I felt someone's arms around me, preventing me from hitting the floor. Then everything went black.  
  
Ow...my head hurts so bad. I woke up on a bed in the infirmary. Surprise. I didn't open my eyes, but I could sense Jack and Janet standing beside my bed. They were talking in hushed voices. Probably thought I was still sleeping. Yeah, right. With this headache, who could sleep?  
  
I opened my eyes to the bright infirmary lights, and steeled myself to keep them open. Their backs were facing me. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but I couldn't. Brilliant. I have a headache that would rival an eight point five earthquake, and now I can't even speak. God must really have it in for me.  
  
I tried getting their attention, but I guess they were too oblivious to my efforts. It figures. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I reached out my hand and slapped Jack on the butt. Needless to say, he was surprised. Well, at least it got them to turn around.  
  
"Hey, Carter. Welcome back to the land of the conscious."  
  
You've used that before. It's still not funny.  
  
"Sam, how are you feeling?"  
  
Like I've just been run over by a dump truck. Or hit by a Goa'uld mothership. How do you think I'm feeling?!  
  
"That was one hell of a light show you put on earlier." Jack said  
  
Yes, but I was too busy being distracted by the energy being emitted by my hands to notice it.  
  
"Sam? What's wrong?"  
  
I can't speak! That's what's wrong! I motioned for the clipboard and pen in Janet's hand. I think she figured out I wanted her pen and some paper. She went to get it for me. Jack was just standing there with an intense look on his face. I think he's genuinely worried about me.  
  
I reached out to grab his hand, trying to tell him everything would be fine. I don't know why the hell I thought that, considering I'm in pain like you wouldn't believe and my vocal chords seemed to have failed me. But it got him to calm down a bit. Wahoo.  
  
Janet came back with the paper. The first thing I wrote on it was,  
  
'What the hell is going on?!'  
  
"Well, after that...incident with Senator Kinsey, you passed out. You've been out for the last two days. We weren't sure you were going to wake up."  
  
'Lovely, really. Am I getting court-martialed? 'Cause if I am, I might as well finish the deed.'  
  
"Carter...as much as I know you want to, and as much as I want you to, you can't. But you know that."  
  
'Why the hell can't I talk?!'  
  
"We think it's because your body is in shock. That outburst took a lot from you."  
  
'Oh, great. So how long am I in for?'  
  
"You can go back to your quarters for some rest tomorrow, we'd like to keep an eye on you tonight. Though there isn't really much we can do for you here. Because of that, you can leave now if you'd like. Afterwards, if you have any problems though, make sure you come back and see me. That's a doctor's order."  
  
'Okay. Don't worry about me. What happened to Kinsey?'  
  
I can honestly say I'm getting tired of writing. I better get my voice back soon.  
  
"Oh, he was unconscious for a few hours, but he's fine."  
  
"Yeah, but he's pretty pissed right now."  
  
'Excuse me if I don't feel bad about that.'  
  
"I don't either."  
  
'Ha. Alright, can I go now?'  
  
"Of course. Just let me take out this IV and unplug you, and you'll be ready to go."  
  
'Thank God. I just need some Extra-Extra Strength Tylenol and I'll be good to sleep.'  
  
"Carter, I don't think they make Extra-Extra Strength Tylenol. Just one extra."  
  
'Why the hell not?'  
  
"Okay, we're done here. Colonel, if you'll stay here for a minute? I need you to do something for me." Janet said as I got off the bed.  
  
I left the infirmary, desperately hoping I had some Tylenol in my quarters. Unfortunately on my way there, I met up with that pissed off Senator. I thought he left?  
  
"Major."  
  
I looked at him. I didn't like the look in his eye. What's going on?!  
  
"Let's see how well you heal."  
  
Uh...what? I didn't see the knife he pulled out of his jacket. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor with him looking down at me. Holy...I've never felt such pain before. He pulled the knife out of me, looking me over. I had closed my eyes, hoping he would think I was dead. Apparently it worked because he hurried in the opposite direction.  
  
I opened one eye just enough to be sure he was gone. Why aren't I healing? The only thing running through my mind was 'I have to get help. Someone help me, damn it!'  
  
Thank God Jack's quarters weren't too far from here. The door was unlocked and I stumbled in. He looked up at me in surprise, not noticing my blood covered hands. I found it hard to breathe, and it was coming in shallow, gasping breaths.  
  
'Help' was the last thing I thought before my world went black for the second time that day.  
  
It wasn't long before I awoke again, in the infirmary with people rushing around me. The pain was considerably lessened, but it was still there. They weren't stitching me up. Why weren't they stitching me up? I'm going to die right here and now. I knew I should have gone to confession before I went on that damn mission.  
  
By this time they had all just stopped and were staring at me. It's been happening for days, but I still can't get used to it.  
  
She just had to let me out of here a day early, didn't she? If she hadn't, I'd still be here, sans the stab wound.  
  
I couldn't help but think, 'What the hell is going on?'  
  
Right after that, Jack turned around and stared at me.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
'What the hell is he talking about? I can't speak!'  
  
"Stop that."  
  
'Uh...what?'  
  
"Carter..."  
  
'Uh...holy mother of...he can hear me! Jack can hear me!'  
  
"Of course I can hear you! You're practically screaming at me!"  
  
'Telepathy? Oh...'  
  
"Uh...Doc? Doc! Get over here!"  
  
"What is it? Has she healed herself?"  
  
They both stared at me. Duh. Of course I haven't healed myself.  
  
"She's sending me messages."  
  
"What?"  
  
'Telepathy!'  
  
"She says it's...telepathy."  
  
"That's why Aiyana couldn't speak! She could only communicate with her kind through telepathy!"  
  
'I already knew that.'  
  
"She says she already knew that."  
  
'I also figured out why I'm not healing.'  
  
"She says she also knows why she isn't healing."  
  
Janet was still staring. Enough already. Speak! Well, at least I can control what he hears...that would be so embarrassing if he heard some of the things I think about him.  
  
"I can still hear you, you know." He was smiling  
  
'Damn you.'  
  
"That would be 'Damn you, Sir'."  
  
All right, I guess I need to work on blocking him out.  
  
"You said she told you she knows why she isn't healing?"  
  
"Oh! Yeah. Why aren't you healing, Carter?"  
  
'Lack of energy. You know what happened to Aiyana when she tried healing all of us.'  
  
"Don't remind me. I was in hell for weeks because of that."  
  
'Ahem, anyway. I can be healed if another Ancient helps.'  
  
"Sorry, we're fresh out of those."  
  
'I meant you, dumbass.'  
  
"Don't forget the 'Sir' part. And what? Me?"  
  
'Yes. Put your hand over my wound.'  
  
The poor guy looked so startled by all of this. Janet was just standing there, looking between the two of us. So I grabbed his hand and put it on my stomach. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. I couldn't help but smile at that.  
  
Janet was now watching us with interest. She probably thought I was trying to seduce him. Yeah, right. Well, at least not in a public place.  
  
"What are you doing, Carter?"  
  
'Just keep your hand there, concentrate on healing me, but be relaxed.'  
  
"You aren't asking much, are you?"  
  
I sighed, 'Just do it. Unless you want me to die...then you can never take me fishing. It'd be a real shame.'  
  
That got him going. It's weird that I can be witty while I'm in excruciating pain, with a deep stab wound to my stomach.  
  
'Just think about healing the wound, close your eyes, and it should just happen. If it doesn't, then I die and the world is screwed.'  
  
"Trying to concentrate here, Carter. And those thoughts aren't helping any."  
  
'Go for it. Heal me, baby.'  
  
Now is not the time to be saying that. Or in my case, thinking that. Good thing it didn't distract him. It took less than one minute for him to heal me. I guess the fact that I had the ability helped out a little.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Holy crap! I can speak again!"  
  
"W—what? How?"  
  
"Uh...I have no idea. Hi, Janet."  
  
"Good to see you back to normal. We all thought we'd lost you when you collapsed again. I'll go tell the General you're awake and healed."  
  
"It seems you've gotten your powers as well."  
  
"Well I don't know about the cool electricity thing, but I can heal."  
  
"Do you think we've still got the telepathy?"  
  
"Let's try it."  
  
'Can you hear me now?'  
  
'Ha ha. Very funny, Carter.'  
  
"Well, at least now you can do it, too."  
  
"Lucky me."  
  
'I meant to ask you earlier...what was with the slap on my ass?'  
  
'Uh...nothing?'  
  
'Sure it was. I know you think I'm deadly sexy, but you can't do that in public. What if someone saw?'  
  
'When did I ever say that I thought you were deadly sexy?! You haven't been reading my mind have you?!'  
  
'Actually, I was just making an inference. But now that you've confirmed it...'  
  
'I hate you.'  
  
'No you don't.'  
  
'I slapped your ass because that was the only thing I could think of at the time.'  
  
Janet came back just as Jack was about to send me a return message. Saved by the doctor.  
  
"The General is glad to hear you're okay, he wants to know who did this to you."  
  
"Don't we all?"  
  
"I think you can take a wild guess as to who it was. By the way, where are Daniel and Teal'c?"  
  
I was slightly hurt that they hadn't come to see me.  
  
"I sent them out a little while ago. Once we had gotten you stable enough. I only let the colonel stay because I thought he might have been some help."  
  
"You can let them in, if they're allowed to be here."  
  
She told one of the nurses to get both of them. So they did come to see me. Now I don't feel so hurt. They do care about me.  
  
"Hey, Sam. How are you feeling?" Daniel asked  
  
"I still have that headache, but I don't have a gaping hole in my stomach."  
  
"Major Carter, is there anything we may do for your comfort?"  
  
Teal'c was always the sweet guy. Though not many people knew that.  
  
"No, Teal'c, I'm fine. Though if you have any pain killers, that would be great."  
  
"Sam, I can give you something to dull the pain through your IV if you want."  
  
"Back to that thing again? I just got it taken out earlier today. But sure, just a little bit."  
  
"So, who stabbed you?"  
  
"Kinsey."  
  
"I'll kill him! I will kill that man!" Jack said, anger filling his voice  
  
"I don't think he's going to bother us anymore. He thinks I'm dead. He stabbed me to see my special healing powers. It didn't happen, I pretended to be dead, and he took the knife and ran."  
  
"He'll be back. You know he won't think you're dead."  
  
Daniel was right. We all knew how ruthless that man was. But we also knew he wasn't stupid. He may have left me to die, but I'm sure he knew I wasn't actually dead. Life sucks. Don't take that the wrong way, I don't want to die. I just want Kinsey to die.  
  
"We can do nothing to prevent this. He cannot be charged for this crime."  
  
Teal'c learned something about the justice system of this country. That man has immunity. He probably has half of the important people bribed. Maybe more. Damn him.  
  
"You're right. At least we know it isn't Maybourne this time." Jack said  
  
"If it were, I would have more reasons to dismember him."  
  
Oh, yeah. I remember that day. I think Teal'c scared the crap out of him.  
  
"Isn't this enough of a reason for you to dismember Kinsey?" Jack asked  
  
"No. But it is enough of a reason for Major Carter to dismember him."  
  
"If only I could do that without getting arrested and put on trial."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Janet had injected the painkillers into the IV a few moments before, and I was getting sleepy. She came back to tell everyone to clear out and let me rest. I asked if Jack could stay for a minute. She of course let him stay.  
  
"What'd you need?"  
  
"I just wanted to thank you."  
  
"You already thanked me. Once is enough. I mean, I don't know how many times you've saved my ass and I didn't say anything."  
  
"Hmm...but I'm used to that. Though it would be nice..."  
  
"Fine. Thank you for all the times you've saved my ass, Carter. Happy now?"  
  
I laughed, "Very. Now get out. I need to sleep."  
  
I reached out to take his hand. I just held it for a moment.  
  
"I know I just said get out...but seriously, I would have died without you."  
  
I knew we had seriously breached protocol a lot these past few days, but we were teenagers. Who cares?  
  
"I know...that's why I did it. It wouldn't be the same around here if you were gone. Dead or otherwise."  
  
I couldn't help but laugh. I knew I was making him uncomfortable. But what's life without doing that to him once in a while?  
  
"Well...'night, Carter."  
  
"Goodnight, Sir."  
  
There's that word again. It ruins everything. But I guess it reminds us of what we have to do. For now, that's all we can have. But we can still flirt, right?  
  
Yeah, we'll be okay. I would really like to be in my own body though. I think it would help a bit. I wonder what tomorrow holds?  
  
A/N: Okay, that's chapter seven! I know it was a little too serious to be under the genre "humor" but...it had to happen that way. They got their powers! I wonder what'll happen next? I have a few ideas, but nothing definite. Please review and let me know what you think! I'll try and post on Friday, but it'll depend on my ortho. Damn braces. Right then...  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter


	8. Caffeine Deprivaton and Base Gambling Ha...

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG, for language obviously  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: First off, I'd like to apologize for not updating yesterday. I only slept 2 hours before I had to go to my ortho and when I came home, I watched both Stargate shows and fell asleep! I woke up not too long ago. Second, thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, and Goddess Anjanee for their reviews! You might find out what the NID actually wanted...  
  
Sam's POV  
  
Pretty soon I found out what tomorrow holds. Considering I woke up right after tomorrow started. Well, now it would be today...but that isn't my point. I woke just after midnight with a nightmare. That stupid stabbing just won't stay out of my mind. That man will do anything just to get his hands on something superior. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was a Goa'uld.  
  
Asking us to come with him is one thing, but stabbing me to 'see if my healing powers worked' that's just downright stupid. He should know by now that we'll get his ass for this. But still, why did he want us? How did he find out about us in the first place? For now, I won't worry. I'll talk to Jack about it in the morning.  
  
I guess I'll try and go back to sleep. Hopefully I won't have more nightmares. First it was the Anubis-is-really-Pete-and-he's-come-back-to- kill-me-and-Jack nightmare, now it's the Kinsey-is-the-bastard-that-stabbed- me-and-I-almost-died nightmare. But that last one actually happened, so I guess it more of a haunting versus a real nightmare.  
  
I think it's rather dangerous to leave me alone at night with my thoughts. Because of the fact that my brain won't shut off, I'm in great danger of never sleeping. Though I slept pretty well that night when I was handcuffed to Jack. Ah, the memories. Someone please shoot me. I can't believe I'm actually thinking this. Wait! Don't shoot me. I don't wanna die!  
  
"Alright, Carter. Shut the hell up and go to sleep!"  
  
I can't believe I'm talking to myself again. Maybe I do need to go see a therapist. ACK! Brain, if you love me at all, you will shut down so I can sleep.  
  
I guess I went to sleep, because I woke up later to the infirmary staff puttering around, filing things, checking supplies, hovering over Daniel because he's seemed to have collapsed, checking my vitals...  
  
Wait a minute. Did I just see Daniel? Uh oh...I think that caffeine deprivation due to the coffee switch has put him in the infirmary. Eh...he'll be fine in a few hours. And if he's not, I'll blame it on Jack.  
  
What? It's every man for himself here. Well, at least this time it is. It just goes to show you that Daniel is really addicted to caffeine. I feel bad for him. He doesn't even know it was a prank. He thinks it's a permanent change. But he tried to pull one over on me and Jack, so I don't feel that bad for him. Oh! I have another idea! Loosen the bolts on Daniel's chair so that when he sits down, he'll instantly fall...but I think after that, we should stop. It was only an alarm clock after all.  
  
I guess I'll have to ask Jack later. Or, I can send him a telepathic message and ask him now. I like the telepathy idea. Ha ha! We can use it during briefings and annoy Hammond! So many possibilities!  
  
I was saved from having to call Jack by the fact that he visited me. He walked in, smiled at the nurses and came over to me.  
  
"How are you doing, Carter?"  
  
"Hmm...fine. But I don't think we can say the same for Daniel."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Look over to the bed four down from mine."  
  
"Oh. Is that our fault?"  
  
"Probably. Or just the fact that his body isn't used to the lack of caffeine. But I'd say both."  
  
"True. I wonder when the last time was that he had a decaf beverage."  
  
"The way he reacted to the coffee, I'd say about three years."  
  
"That is one insane Space Monkey."  
  
"You can't afford to talk, Sir. You drink almost as much coffee as he does."  
  
"I do not!"  
  
"Sir..."  
  
"Alright, fine. I drink two cups less than him."  
  
"Oh! Two cups! And how many do I have?"  
  
"Not enough?"  
  
"No. I have enough. It just doesn't take me as many cups as you two to get the same effect."  
  
I was right. I guess it's because they've built up a tolerance. Kind of like with alcohol. Though I can honestly say that Daniel has a higher tolerance for caffeine than for alcohol. He'll have one glass of wine and be drunk. It's too funny when it happens. And I started to laugh because of this thought.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"I was just thinking about his high tolerance for caffeine, but his low tolerance for alcohol. He's so funny when he's drunk."  
  
"Yes...he is. Kind of like that time on 595 when you..."  
  
"Ahem! Why is it you always bring things up that will embarrass me?"  
  
"Because it's just so damn fun. You get all riled up by it."  
  
"When I get out of here, I'm coming to kill you. With that cool electricity thing. Then it won't be so cool, will it?"  
  
"Uh...I think I'll leave now..."  
  
"Nah, you can stay. Go find a bed to hide under."  
  
"Touché."  
  
"You know, we could always change it to me being pregnant instead of Janet...now we just need to find a really shocking person to be the father..."  
  
"Oh yeah, that'll be the day."  
  
"What?"  
  
That little...oh, he's in for it now. What? He thinks I will never have children? Oh yeah, he's at the top of my hit list now. Though really, there is only one man I would want to be the father of my children...but he's being such an ass right now, that I may have to reconsider.  
  
"I...what I meant was...I don't know."  
  
"I know what you meant, so now I will have to kill you."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I don't think hiding under a bed in the infirmary will help you this time, since I'm already here. So I would suggest running for your life."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Heh...just kidding. I can't kill you if I want to keep my job."  
  
"Oh...I knew that."  
  
But it was obvious that he didn't. Mostly considering I could hear him thinking: 'Thank God' over and over in his mind.  
  
"Did not. I can hear your thoughts."  
  
"Ahh! Damn Ancients!"  
  
"I don't think it's so bad. But seriously, who should I say the father is?"  
  
"We could say it was Kinsey, that's why he stabbed you, so no one would find out?"  
  
"Okay, now that's just insulting. I would never do that with him. I'm scarred for life by that suggestion. Thank you very much. Ugh."  
  
"You could always say you don't know who it is..."  
  
"And that makes me look like a slut."  
  
"Fine! Me!"  
  
Can't say the thought didn't cross my mind. But I wasn't too sure he would go for it. Apparently he would.  
  
"Well, since it's as unlikely as the rest, why not?"  
  
"What do you mean 'as unlikely as the rest'?"  
  
"That it would never happen..."  
  
"I know that..."  
  
"Then why did you ask?"  
  
"Carter! Stop it!"  
  
"Yes, Sir. But seriously, why did you ask?"  
  
"Ugh...now I know why it wouldn't happen."  
  
"And why would that be? You don't find me attractive?"  
  
"I'm not allowed to answer that question?"  
  
I know why he asked. He thought I meant that I didn't like him. Ha. Jack is so bad with words sometimes. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help teasing him for it. Good thing he doesn't know that's why I do it.  
  
'Yes, I do. Well, I do now, anyway.'  
  
Whoops. I forgot about my thought-guarding. Damn it all to hell!  
  
'I seriously hate you right now.'  
  
'Fine.'  
  
'Fine.'  
  
Thoughts guarded? Good. If I just keep thinking about a brick wall, I should be okay. He just invades my mind like that?! How could he? I don't invade his mind without his permission! Okay, I do. But that isn't the point! I'm a girl, he should respect my privacy. But he's a guy, so he doesn't give a damn.  
  
"We'll go with you on this one. Though if General Hammond finds out, we'll be in so much trouble we won't see daylight."  
  
"We can't see daylight down here anyway. So it wouldn't really matter."  
  
"Eh...technicalities."  
  
"You're just saying that because you know I'm right."  
  
I stuck out my tongue at him, "For once."  
  
'Screw you.'  
  
'I know you want to...but think of the regs...'  
  
"That's not what I meant, and you know it."  
  
It's nice that we can have friendly banter like this again. Well, it's more like flirtatious banter really. But that's fine with me. It's been so long since we were this comfortable with each other. It's actually quite nice. Doing this now makes me realize just how much I missed it from before.  
  
It was all Pete's fault. My dating him made Jack uncomfortable. Well, he's dead and he's not Anubis. So I think we can have that again. Wahoo. Life is good when your stalker boyfriend is dead and you have kick-ass powers like the Ancients.  
  
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen any indication that the Ancients had powers like mine..."  
  
"Except Oma, she killed a lot of Jaffa with her lightning powers..."  
  
"Yeah, but she was considered Mother Nature. I'm not even close. I wonder if my mother ever had anything like that...?"  
  
"It's all possible. Hey, I think Daniel's waking up."  
  
I looked over at Daniel's bed. Sure enough, he was waking up. He did not look happy.  
  
"Look away, maybe he won't notice our guilty expressions."  
  
"What guilty expressions? I don't have one."  
  
"Okay fine, my guilty expression. You've become a stickler for technicalities haven't you, Sir?"  
  
"You know me..."  
  
"Unfortunately, I do."  
  
"Hey! That was not nice at all."  
  
"Oh, did I say that out loud?" I said with an innocent look on my face  
  
"Funny. Hey, Daniel! How're you feeling?"  
  
All he got was a grunt in response. I think Daniel's cranky-ness is going to last for days. Has the man even thought about getting Coke or Pepsi? For a guy so smart, he can be really dumb sometimes. Maybe after I get out of here, I'll drop by and bring him a can or two. It'll help his mood, and it'll draw suspicion away from me.  
  
"If we're going to do this whole 'pregnancy' thing, we can't let Teal'c know. If we do, his reaction won't be genuine. Janet would have to know in case Daniel asked her for the truth."  
  
"What if we get both you and Janet to do that?"  
  
"Holy crap, he'd practically die from shock if we told him that. Let's do it."  
  
"Speaking of which, I think I know what Kinsey and the NID wanted from us."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"Uh...kids."  
  
"Sir, they have kids of their own."  
  
"No! That's not what I meant and you know it! Stop doing that! They know we have the gene code similar to the Ancients, right?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Well, if we were to...have a kid, the gene would be passed down, right?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"It would be stronger than us, wouldn't it? The gene would be more present...or something?"  
  
"That's disturbing. Very disturbing. It's a child, not a science experiment!"  
  
"Carter, there is no child. Calm down, would ya?"  
  
"Right, sorry. But seriously, that's sick."  
  
"Which part? The part where our kid is being tested on, or our kid in general?"  
  
"Back to this again? This is more redundant than a broken record."  
  
"You still haven't answered my question."  
  
"I didn't think I had to. You know I would never say that."  
  
"Of course you would never say it..."  
  
"Or think it..."  
  
"That's better."  
  
"Why are you so interested in this, anyway? It doesn't really matter because it would never happen."  
  
"Someday..."  
  
"What did you just say?"  
  
"What? I didn't say anything."  
  
A smile broke out on my face. I can't believe he actually said that out loud. It was probably just a slip-up, but he said it nonetheless. He really is such a nice, sweet, caring guy. No matter how much he tries to deny it and cover it up with that hard-ass exterior. I love him for that. Well, not the part where he tries to cover up for it, but the fact that it's there.  
  
"That's what I love about you..."  
  
"What?"  
  
No! No, no, no! That did not just come out of my mouth. Dear God, take me now. Love, Samantha. Fine! I caught him, he caught me. It's all fair. I really do hate my life though. I really should consider denying it, but I guess he could always invade my mind if he really wants to know. Which I'm sure he will, no matter how much he respects my privacy. Hell, I'd do it. I already did.  
  
"I said, 'that's what I love about you.' Just don't go repeating it, okay?"  
  
"But what do you love about me?"  
  
He was smiling. Maybe I should slap him...but no, that would ruin the moment. But I'm about to ruin it anyway.  
  
'You're going to make me say it, aren't you?'  
  
'I would never make you do anything...Samantha.'  
  
'I take it back. I hate you again.'  
  
"Hey, let's forget about that...bust me out of here so we can tamper with Daniel's desk chair."  
  
Good. Change the subject, maybe he'll forget all about what I said.  
  
"Not until you tell me what you love about me."  
  
Or not...I decided to just to say that I love his sharp wit and sarcasm. Which I do. When it isn't directed at me.  
  
"Fine! It's your sharp wit and sarcasm."  
  
"I don't believe you, but alright. And I can't bust you out of here."  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"Doc will kill me if I even attempt it, then she'll use her big and honkin' needles on me next time I'm in here."  
  
"Which will be in a few minutes, if you don't get me out now! I'll tell her specifically to use those..."  
  
"Okay, okay! You win! I'll help."  
  
"Works every time."  
  
"Unfortunately, it does. Now get your ass up so I can get you out."  
  
It's still very weird to see him as a teenager again. Come to think of it, it's also very weird to be a teenager again. But I guess I don't have to worry about getting wrinkles any time soon. That is definitely a plus.  
  
After I was unplugged, I got out of the bed and almost fell over. But really, I don't know why that happened. Anyway, Jack caught me before I hit the floor. He seems to be doing a lot of that lately. I'm just glad he has those lightning-fast reflexes...otherwise I'd be in here a lot more often than I'd care to admit.  
  
I walked over to Daniel's bed, with Jack in tow. I checked to see if any nurses were still around. None.  
  
"Hey, Daniel. How are you feeling?"  
  
He fixed me with his best death-glare.  
  
"Oh, glad to see you're okay. I have something I wanted to tell you..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm...pregnant."  
  
I smiled. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.  
  
"You're...pregnant? How...?"  
  
"I think you know how...or do I have to explain it to you?"  
  
"No...is Pete the father?"  
  
"Hell no. Thank God. Jack is."  
  
The look on his face was priceless. Something that I would laugh at for years to come. It was a mixture of shock and...was that happiness? I expected shock and disbelief. Not happiness. It must be the lack of caffeine making him nuts.  
  
"I always knew it would happen."  
  
"Huh?" I said  
  
"What?" was Jack's response  
  
"From the first time I saw you two, I knew you would get together."  
  
"Heh...uh...Daniel, we were kidding."  
  
"What? You mean you aren't pregnant?"  
  
"Ah...no. It was a prank."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"You thought we would get together?"  
  
Leave it to Jack to miss the point completely. It's like that time Daniel told us about the Quantum Mirror and how Jack and I got engaged.  
  
"Uh...yeah. It's pretty obvious. Everyone in the base, including your father even has a pool..."  
  
Jack and I both looked at him. They have a pool betting on when we'd get together?! Wait a minute, my father is a part of it?! I'm going to kill him.  
  
"Oops..."  
  
"Yeah, oops is right. I think we should leave now..."  
  
"I couldn't agree more, Sir."  
  
We just walked out of the infirmary. I was still in shock. I can't believe they have a pool going. They bet on my love life?! They bet I would have one with my CO?! I'll have someone's ass for this.  
  
"Do you remember the days when Teal'c would talk to us about anything and Daniel wasn't in the infirmary because of a caffeine addiction...?"  
  
I gave him a weird look and said, "Uh...no."  
  
"Good, cause I thought it was just me."  
  
"As far as I know, the coffee and caffeine addiction came when he was first trying to decipher the symbols on the cover stone."  
  
"Hmm...wouldn't know about that."  
  
"Yeah, Daniel tells me you were too busy trying to keep him away from finding out about the Stargate."  
  
"Squealer."  
  
"You know, it's so nice to see you've both grown up since then."  
  
"You didn't even know us at that point. How would you know?"  
  
Apparently he missed the part where I'm implying that they haven't grown up at all.  
  
"From the stories I've been told. You're both still quite childish."  
  
"What stories? I was a hard-assed military commander ready to blow up the 'gate with 5,000 good people needing to be rescued."  
  
"I was talking about when Daniel sent you back through. And there are some stories of when you weren't so...ahem...hard-assed. When you were with Skaara."  
  
I know it's still a touchy subject with him. Skaara had ascended last year. But he isn't dead, so that should be some comfort. I guess.  
  
"He was a great kid. I couldn't help but lighten up when I was around him."  
  
"So you admit it? You were a little childish on that mission?"  
  
"I wouldn't go as far as saying 'childish', but I said I lightened up."  
  
"Eh...same difference." I said as I waved my hand in dismissal.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Alright, alright. So, to Daniel's office to loosen the screws in his chair?"  
  
"Sounds like fun. We have to make sure the security camera doesn't catch us, but catches him when it falls."  
  
"We're so cruel sometimes. It sort of makes me feel bad."  
  
"No. You can't feel guilty...if you do, the pranks won't be as fun!"  
  
"I know...but Daniel doesn't deserve all of this, does he?"  
  
"Nah, but I can say it's for all the times he's made me sit through his boring lectures."  
  
"I've watched you, it may look like you aren't paying attention...but I know you are. You find it mildly interesting at the least."  
  
It's true. I've seen him. I watch him sometimes during briefings. But I guess I shouldn't admit that. It's like saying I sit there and pine for him during briefings. Which I don't. Well, I try not to anyway. I know he does that to me sometimes, too. But if he even gets the slightest hint that I know, he'll stop.  
  
"I do not."  
  
"Don't lie...I already know."  
  
"This telepathy thing really sucks."  
  
"Only because I'm using it as a lie detector."  
  
"Yes. So, let's find Teal'c."  
  
"Uh...sure."  
  
Coward. You changed the subject! Oh, well. Let's go see Teal'c.  
  
"You know, I think we should give the NID what they want."  
  
"Are you serious?! That's completely insane!"  
  
"Well, not actually give it to them. Merely have the kid..."  
  
'What?!' was the first and only thought that entered my mind.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Seriously. You want kids, I want kids. We could have a powerful kid. And Thor would have another human to love. And probably owe numerous favors to. That, and the whole base is waiting for us to have kids."  
  
I had to laugh at the part about Thor. It was true, he did owe us a lot of favors.  
  
"But if we did that...one: we'd have to deal with a court martial, two: we would be teen parents, and three: well, I don't really have a three. But Hammond would be really pissed if we did that. I guess that's three."  
  
"So? We always piss of Hammond."  
  
"Actually, it's more like you piss off Hammond and I help."  
  
He sighed,  
  
"Anyway..."  
  
"I don't think I have to point out the huge responsibility in this. And the fact that it can't happen, no matter how much we want it to."  
  
"So you admit it! You do like me..."  
  
"I never said that..."  
  
"But you implied it! Don't lie...I can always use the lie detector..."  
  
"Fine. Whatever. You win. Now will you shut up?"  
  
"No. I won't until you agree."  
  
"Then we'll be here a while."  
  
I don't know why I'm so resistant to the idea...I really don't. Maybe it was Daniel's little comment back in the infirmary. I still can't believe they have a betting pool going on that. I'll have to ask Teal'c who started it when we find him.  
  
"I'll kill the person that came up with the betting pool on us."  
  
"Come on, you have to admit it's funny."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"It's ironic that they see it, and we didn't until it was brought up."  
  
No...please don't start this...I'll do anything not to start this. Well, not anything. But I really don't want to get into this. Every time we talk about it, start to talk about it, think about it, the damn thing causes trouble...  
  
A/N: Again, I'm sorry it took so long. But at least the chapter is around 500 words longer than the others! I hope you guys like it! They might find Teal'c in the next chapter, who knows? But hey, good news for me! I get my braces off soon! Not that you really needed to know. Er...anyway, please review! Thanks!  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter 


	9. Druken Stupors?

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG (language and a smidge of alcohol)  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Archive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: Thanks to CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, LiRA, Mishy-mo, Typically Head-Over-Heels, and Sci Fi Fan Gillian for their reviews! They always mean so much to me! I think CapriceAnn read my mind...I was thinking about them getting drunk. Based on that, there will be some alcohol and stuff. But I don't write sex scenes. I'm a good girl, but for this story I have to go against that...  
  
Sam's POV  
  
I was saved from having to finish the conversation by being paged over the P.A. system. I know I said I hate my life, but at least there's some chance of a distraction. Thank the Lord!  
  
"Look, we'll finish this later. I have to go."  
  
"But we need to finish this now..."  
  
"If I don't leave now, someone might blow up the gate room or my lab. We don't want that, so I have to go. I'm sorry. Come find me later."  
  
I felt bad for having to leave him like that, despite being extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Normally that would be him. It's funny how we switched roles like that.  
  
I was needed in the control room. Simmons had decided to crash the dialing computer or something. Someone needs to teach that kid how to use the system. Oh, that'd be me, wouldn't it? Damn.  
  
"Lieutenant, what'd you do this time?"  
  
"I don't know, Ma'am. I was running a diagnostic, and the dialing computer just shut down."  
  
Simmons was looking scared at that point. He probably thought I was going to kill him or something. I had considered it a minute ago, but only because it was my precious super-computer.  
  
"It just...shut down? How does it just shut down?!"  
  
"Uh...if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you here...Ma'am."  
  
"Yes, I know. I'd like to just hack this damn thing to pieces since it always causes problems...but then we wouldn't have the dialing program or anything...anymore."  
  
I think he found it quite odd that he was calling a teenager 'Ma'am'. I have to say that if it weren't me, I'd find it a bit strange too. But hello! It's Stargate Command! You have to expect weird things when you're working here. I think it might be in the job description.  
  
I was looking around to see if anything had come unplugged. There wasn't anything I could see. Meaning if something were unplugged it'd be mighty hard to tell because of all the wires down by the floorboards.  
  
I looked over at Simmons who was randomly pushing buttons on each of the computers. If he electrocutes himself one day, it won't be my fault. My defense will be: 'Curiosity killed the cat!' or in this case, 'Curiosity killed Lieutenant Simmons!' but that isn't the point.  
  
"Stop doing that! You'll get yourself electrocuted." I said as I swatted his hand away.  
  
He looked startled. Oh, no! It didn't already happen, did it?  
  
"Did you already get electrocuted?!"  
  
"No, Ma'am. When you touched my hand, you shocked me. Literally."  
  
"Oh...heh...sorry. Do you remember pressing any buttons or anything?"  
  
"I don't know. I was leaning on the desk by the keyboard and it all shut down."  
  
Then it clicked.  
  
"Were you by any chance leaning on that part over there?"  
  
I pointed to the other side of him. He looked at it and looked back at me. I think his brain is too fried to realize what I was hinting at.  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Lieutenant, do you see that big blue button over there where you were leaning?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"You still don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"  
  
"You said I leaned on the button. But that wouldn't mean anything unless..."  
  
"Unless it was the manual emergency shut down."  
  
"Oh...whoops."  
  
I tried not to laugh at the expression on his face. They need to get armrests on these chairs. Seriously.  
  
"Yeah...press the white button under it."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am."  
  
He pressed the button and everything came back on. I love it when the problem has such a simple solution as pressing a button. Too bad we can't get rid of every Goa'uld at the same time like that.  
  
Note to self: create device to kill all Goa'uld at once using big blue button. Automatic shut down.  
  
"I think you can continue the diagnostic now. You might want to make sure nothing was damaged with the improper shut down."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am. Sorry for the trouble."  
  
"I'd rather it be something easy to fix like this instead of a foothold situation or something."  
  
I decided to wait around and make sure nothing else happened. That and it would get me out of what was sure to be a very awkward conversation between Jack and myself. I leaned back in the chair and put my hands behind my head.  
  
Oh, yes. Another hard day's work. I earned my paycheck today. Wait, am I even getting paid while I'm stuck like this? I better be. Ooh! Hazard pay! Well, extra hazard pay. We already get a little bit as it is.  
  
I didn't notice that Simmons had left. I wonder where he went? I also didn't notice Jack coming up the stairs. Then all of a sudden, BAM! I hit the floor. I don't know how it happened. I guess it was because I leaned back too far and the chair just rolled out from under me.  
  
I think I let out a small scream, but I'm not too sure. Jack saw what had happened and came over.  
  
"Whoa, Carter. Are you alright?"  
  
I don't know why, but I found this all very funny. I couldn't help it, I just started laughing. He must have thought I was insane. Well, more insane than any of the rest of them.  
  
"I'm...fine...Sir..." I said in between laughs  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I think I leaned back too far...I just fell over!"  
  
I had started to calm down by that point. Jack reached out to help me up off the floor. Once up, I was hit with another bout of laughter.  
  
"Carter, it isn't that funny."  
  
"At least I can laugh at myself."  
  
"Hmm...are you sure you're feeling okay? I could always take you down to Doc and make sure..."  
  
"No, seriously, I'm fine."  
  
"I think I'd like to make sure you didn't hit your head. Who else would laugh at hitting the ground so hard from falling out of a chair?"  
  
"Anyone who thought it was funny? And it really isn't necessary. I'm fine."  
  
He dragged me off anyway.  
  
"But what about the diagnostic? No one's there to make sure it goes well!"  
  
"Carter, you are such a workaholic. Stop it, you're giving me a migraine!"  
  
It didn't take us long to get to the infirmary. You know, I've become quite sick of this place over the past few days. I should just bring my suitcase, I might as well move in.  
  
I announced our arrival with, "We're baaaaaaaack!"  
  
I saw some of the nurse's faces. They looked visibly disturbed by my return. Then I looked over at Daniel. He's still here? Seriously, just give the boy a Coke and he'll be fine. I swear.  
  
"Hey, Daniel. You're still here?"  
  
"Yes...you've only been gone for around an hour..."  
  
"Really? Well you know, all they have to do is give you a Coke and you'll be fine."  
  
I was being loud and obnoxious. We all knew it. Well, I'm not being as obnoxious as Jack can be, but give me a break. I'm new at this.  
  
"What? Are you serious?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Some of the nurses looked quite angry when I said this. Oops. Was I not supposed to say anything so that they could have him all to themselves? Sucks for them.  
  
"They've been keeping me here because they said they wanted to keep an eye on me! They said they were worried! All I needed was a Coke?!"  
  
I think Daniel really has gone insane. But that's okay. We like him better that way. Well, as long as he doesn't try to kill us all.  
  
"Yes. I think they like you enough to keep you in here. They probably think you help add to the décor."  
  
That was Jack. It was the first time he actually spoke since we got here.  
  
"Where's Janet? Our beloved Colonel O'Neill over here seems to think I need to be checked out."  
  
"She's in her office, I'll go get her." One of the not-so-angry nurses replied.  
  
"So, Sam, have you and Jack decided to help me win the pool?"  
  
I thought he was too frazzled to remember that prank. He looked insane enough when I told him about the Coke.  
  
"Depends on what day you picked."  
  
Hey! We never talked about this! What the hell do you think you're doing?!  
  
"I heard that. And we never talked about this because you didn't want to. You ran off, remember?" Jack whispered  
  
"Damn. I thought I was getting good at the blocking. And who says I didn't want to? And I ran off to do my job." I stuck my tongue out at him  
  
"Fine. Whatever."  
  
"So, Sam. What are you in here for, anyway?"  
  
"I fell out of a chair and started laughing. The Colonel seems to think that means I've got a concussion."  
  
"I just want to make sure you're okay! I think the base would fall apart without you and your brain."  
  
"Sure. I think you're being a little too overprotective."  
  
"Fine. I don't want the team to fall apart because you died or something."  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
'We all know you just wanted me to be okay so we could have that conversation.'  
  
'Oh, damn. You figured me out.'  
  
'I figured you out a long time ago. I just never let on until now.'  
  
'Or, you didn't figure me out. Until just now, that is.'  
  
"Guys! Hello! I'm still here!"  
  
"Oh, sorry, Daniel."  
  
I had to be the one to apologize, because I know Jack just loves to annoy him. This man and his ego. Gosh.  
  
"You guys aren't going to keep doing that, are you?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
We both knew it was a lie. A very unbelievable lie. But that's what we're here for, isn't it?  
  
"Hmm...right."  
  
"Hi, Sam. Back so soon?"  
  
"He," I pointed to Jack, "made me come here. I fell out of a chair and started laughing. He seems to think that indicates I'm insane."  
  
"She fell over backwards and hit her head on the floor. I think the fact that she started laughing indicates a head injury."  
  
"I've been in here more times than Daniel today. And it's only 0930!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I had forgotten Daniel was still there.  
  
"Whoops, sorry."  
  
"Okay, I'll check for a concussion. Will that make you happy?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"It won't make me happy."  
  
My grumbling didn't do me any good though. She took out that damn penlight to check my response. My only real response was the part where I turned my head as not to be blinded.  
  
"Do you have to use it that close to my eyes? I think I just went blind!"  
  
"Carter, be quiet. I'm the only one allowed to grouch about the penlight."  
  
"I think we've had a personality switch then. Or I just can't keep my mouth shut. But based on the fact that I recognize the body I'm in, I'd say it's the latter."  
  
"Well, since your cortical response is normal, I'd say you don't have a concussion. Just a problem with laughing at inappropriate times."  
  
"See? What did I tell you? I'm fine. Apart from the obvious 'insane' tendencies."  
  
"I just wanted to make sure! Don't have a heart attack!"  
  
"Don't worry. After all the times you've done something stupid and come back alive, I think I can survive something like this without going into cardiac arrest."  
  
I realized I had been talking to him like he was just some average guy, not my superior officer, so I had to add a little something to the end of that.  
  
"Sir"  
  
"Hey, what about Daniel! He's done stuff like this millions of times. Granted he usually does die. But he always come back in the end."  
  
"I'm still here! Stop talking about me like I can't hear you!"  
  
"Why do I do that? Sorry, Daniel."  
  
"That's better. But a real apology would be getting me a soda."  
  
"Sure, how about a nice Sprite?"  
  
"No! Something with caffeine! Coke would be nice."  
  
"Daniel, I'm not going to let you have something that you became so dependent on you landed yourself in here in the first place."  
  
Poor Daniel. Janet is going to make this hell for him. But of course she loves him, so she'll make it up to him later. Ahh! I can't believe I just thought that! Ew! Oh, my gosh!  
  
"Then I'm afraid you're going to have one cranky patient, Doctor."  
  
"What do you mean? Colonel O'Neill isn't a patient here, so everything should be fine." I said with another innocent look  
  
"Excuse me? I'm not cranky!"  
  
"You are."  
  
"Not."  
  
"Are."  
  
"Not!"  
  
"A--"  
  
"Children! Am I going to have to throw you out of here?"  
  
"No. I'm going to my quarters. I'm tired. I'll see you guys later."  
  
I left them all just standing there. It was sort of weird how I can just forget about the ranks now that Jack doesn't look superior to me anymore. To outside observers, we were equals. That'll get me into trouble soon.  
  
I reached my quarters and went inside. It felt good to be in my own space. Last time I was on my way there, a not-so-happy Senator stabbed me. Doesn't he realize that I didn't electrocute him on purpose? When someone comes to take me away from some unexplained reason, duh I'm going to resist.  
  
I didn't even take off my boots. I just fell on the bed and went to sleep, only to be rudely awakened a few hours later. I vaguely remember something about being pregnant. Odd.  
  
"Rise and shine, Major!"  
  
That line wasn't the bad part. The bad part was the person coming in the door and jumping on the bed. Only he missed most of the bed, and got most of me.  
  
"Too early...five more minutes, Mark."  
  
"Carter..."  
  
"It hasn't been five minutes yet..."  
  
With that, I pulled to covers farther up over my head.  
  
"Carter!"  
  
Jack started shaking my shoulders, then he started jumping on the bed. I don't care if it is in the afternoon. It's still too early for me!  
  
"No..."  
  
"Alright...I supposed I could always ask General Hammond to give McKay a call and..."  
  
That got me going. I shot up and looked at him wide-eyed.  
  
"No, wait! I'm up! I'm up! What is it?"  
  
"Nothing, really. I just wanted to talk to you."  
  
He bounced on the bed and sat back down.  
  
"You woke me up for that? How can you live on so little sleep? Now I know what I've been missing out on!"  
  
"Aw come on! We have to talk about it sometime."  
  
"Only when I'm drunk and incoherent."  
  
"I think we can arrange that..."  
  
"You aren't serious? I would never..."  
  
"Have some fun will ya? I at least got you to sleep more than three hours. I rubbing off on you more than you care to admit."  
  
"Or, it's just me being my teenage self."  
  
"You aren't really a teenager, you know."  
  
"You can't get me drunk, anyway. They don't have alcohol on base and according to outsiders, we're underage."  
  
"I'm sure I can make a deal with Daniel..."  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"Oh, wouldn't I?"  
  
"I still hate you."  
  
He leaned over and kissed me.  
  
"No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have let me kiss you."  
  
"Just because I hate you, doesn't mean I won't let you kiss me. I can get you back later if I want to."  
  
"Why do you do this to me?"  
  
"Because I can?"  
  
"That's it. I'll force feed you the alcohol."  
  
"Alcohol is a liquid, Sir."  
  
"Oi...you know what I mean."  
  
"Or do I?"  
  
"Don't start."  
  
"I didn't. You did."  
  
"What is it with you and semantics these days? I thought it was my job to be picky."  
  
"I'm a teenage girl. I grew out of it when I hit twenty. You apparently started when I stopped."  
  
"Are you calling me a girl?"  
  
"I would never say such a thing. Besides, you're way too handsome to be a girl. And your voice is way too deep."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said...oh...damn."  
  
"You think I'm handsome?"  
  
"Wipe that smug look off your face. I hate it when you do that. Well, when it's directed at me, anyway."  
  
"And I didn't even have to get you drunk."  
  
"Which is why you're never going to get me drunk. Ever."  
  
"I might..."  
  
"No."  
  
"I can find a way...you know I'm quite crafty when I try to be."  
  
"I'm leaving. Wait a minute...these are my quarters. You leave."  
  
"Fine. But I'm not staying away for long..."  
  
"I figured."  
  
He left the room. Thank God. Though he probably went to go spring Daniel from the infirmary with the promise of 100 Cokes if he took us to get alcohol. Although, it could be quite fun to see them drunk...and since Teal'c doesn't have his symbiote anymore, we could get him drunk too! Oh...that will be hilarious. A drunk Teal'c. Maybe I'll help Jack get that alcohol.  
  
I was feeling tired again. So maybe I'll just go back to sleep.  
  
"Hey, Carter! McKay's here to see you!"  
  
"What?! Hell no! You're not serious?!"  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"Why do you torment me?!"  
  
"Because it's fun? Or did I already use that?"  
  
"I don't care. Why do you keep using McKay to wake me up?"  
  
"Because I know you hate him and your reaction is priceless."  
  
"Gee, thanks."  
  
"You're quite welcome."  
  
"I take it Daniel wouldn't help you get beer?"  
  
"No...it's not right! I even offered to get him a soda machine for his office!"  
  
"He refused that? Wow. And here I was looking forward to getting Teal'c and Daniel drunk...but like I said before, it wouldn't take much for Daniel."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"Oh, well. I guess you won't be asking me any questions tonight."  
  
"No...I'll still ask them."  
  
"But I don't have to answer!"  
  
"You know, it's times like these that make me wonder why I ever liked you in the first place..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"That was not nothing!"  
  
"It was. I swear. I never said a word."  
  
"You did!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Oh, so we're having one of these arguments again, Samantha?"  
  
"Apparently we've sunk to the level of the teenagers we once were. Or more like the five year olds we once were. But yes, we are having another one of these arguments, Jonathon."  
  
"I finally did it! I finally did it!"  
  
"What did you finally do?"  
  
"I finally got you to use my name! Granted, it was the name I hate...but it was still my name and not my rank. Or 'Sir'...I'm feeling proud of myself..."  
  
"Don't feel too proud. I only did that because you called me 'Samantha'."  
  
"It worked though, didn't it?"  
  
"Now I really do wish we had beer. Although..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I have something to do, I'll see you later. Oh, and get out of my quarters...Sir."  
  
I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I'm thinking getting drunk now would be an excellent idea. Good thing I know where they keep the NyQuil stashed. Well, it's more like I know where Daniel's secret stash is.  
  
I snuck into his office, found the NyQuil and left without being detected. It's a good thing he's still in the infirmary I guess.  
  
I decided not to get myself totally hammered, but get Jack totally hammered instead. Then he can answer my questions. That, and I don't think I've ever actually seen him drunk. So I went to his quarters to tell him of my discovery....  
  
I opened the door to his quarters. And decided to do what he did to me the first time. I jumped more on him than on the bed. I have to admit, it was quite fun.  
  
"Hello...Jack."  
  
"Hmm...what? Can't you see I was busy?"  
  
"I found something..."  
  
"What?"  
  
I waved the bottle in front of his face.  
  
"You brought me medicine? What was the point of that?"  
  
"If you haven't read the label, it has alcohol in it."  
  
"Uh huh...how much?"  
  
"About...well, I don't know. But it's the first ingredient, so it must be a pretty high content."  
  
He sat up, looking at me with this mischievous glint in his eye. That's never a good sign...  
  
"Oh, really? Well then let's take a shot."  
  
"I can guarantee you won't like what you taste."  
  
"So? After all the spicy foods I've eaten, my taste buds are probably dead at this point anyway. Besides, once we have enough of this stuff...we won't notice it anymore."  
  
"If we have that much, we're probably going to be taken in for substance abuse."  
  
"So?"  
  
With that said, he took a shot of it. I had to laugh at the expression on his face. I knew it was going to be severely nasty. But if he wants alcohol, that's the only way we'll get it.  
  
"Your turn."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Take a shot. I took one, now it's your turn."  
  
Oh, so this is how we're going to play it? So much for him being the only one getting drunk. Damn him.  
  
"Alright..."  
  
"Good."  
  
He poured me a shot, and I drank it. Ugh. This stuff is utter crap. How can anyone ever take this? Of course, if you're sick, you'll do anything to get better. But still...  
  
"Wow...it kind of burns on the way down..."  
  
"Nah, you're imagining it."  
  
We continued this for around an hour. We had already consumed several bottles of the stuff. I'm surprised I can stay this coherent.  
  
"So...any other secrets you want to divulge?"  
  
"Hmm...at the moment I'm not drunk enough to tell you..."  
  
I said this all while giggling. Everything seems funny to me at this point...even the color of paint on the wall. Wait, are the walls even painted? Oh, well.  
  
"Then we need more..."  
  
"Yes...no...oh, hell. Why not? We've been pretty good since we got stuck like this..."  
  
"You're absolutely right...now whose turn is it for another shot...?"  
  
"Shots? I thought we were drinking...?"  
  
"We are."  
  
"Oh, yeah..."  
  
Fifteen minutes and around 40 shots hammered.  
  
"If the Goa'uld are self-healing, then how can their hosts have pierced ears? Essentially a piercing is a flesh wound...so how does the hole not heal?"  
  
He shrugged, "I don't know...let's have more drinks!"  
  
"I knew there was a reason I liked you..."  
  
"Yeah...it's not just for my boyish good looks..."  
  
"Of course not...although that helps..."  
  
"Know why I like you?"  
  
"Because I'm smarter than you?"  
  
"Well maybe...but no."  
  
"Then why?"  
  
Being drunk obviously lets you say things you wouldn't normally say. I already knew that, but I guess it's more apparent now. Makes me sound kinda stupid, doesn't it? Hehehehehehe...  
  
"Because..."  
  
"Oh...so, out of every woman on this base, who would you pick to go out with?"  
  
"I thought that was quite obvious..."  
  
"Ooh! Who is it?"  
  
I scooted closer, like a girl eagerly awaiting the story of my best friend's first date.  
  
"Gee, I thought you were smarter than that..."  
  
He started laughing at me. Well, I think he was laughing at me anyway.  
  
"No?"  
  
"Hahaha...YOU!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I was answering your question..."  
  
"What was my question again?"  
  
"Of the female personnel, who would I date..."  
  
"Oh yeah...hehehehehe...I forgot..."  
  
"And my answer was you...silly."  
  
I looked at him with wide eyes. Then I looked around the room. I didn't notice I had started to fall over. Whoops. I think somewhere along the line I grabbed at Jack's shirt, because he was lying on top of me the next minute.  
  
"What...hehehe...are we...hehehe...doing down here?"  
  
"You...fell over?"  
  
"Oh...that's funny..."  
  
Then I just grabbed him again and started kissing him. I don't know why...but I did.  
  
"You know something? I really love..."  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"I really...love...NyQuil!"  
  
"Oh...well then..."  
  
"I'm kidding...hehehe...the look on your face...YOU!"  
  
"What?"  
  
I looked at him wide-eyed again.  
  
"I...love...you...!"  
  
"Well...good...cause I do too!"  
  
"I'm glad you love yourself..."  
  
"Well, that too..."  
  
So giddy...I'm going to kiss him again...hehehehe...then we started a very nice make-out session...I don't remember much of what happened after that...we were so drunk...  
  
Migraine...ugh...horrible after-taste...the arm around me is nice...wait...arm around me?! Oh, no...what happened last night? Well, at least I have my bra and stuff on...that must mean nothing happened...right?  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long! I get distracted very easily sometimes. But this chapter is over 4,000 words, so I guess that'll help, right? Once term starts, I don't know how often I'll be able to update. If this story is able to last that long, I mean. But thank you guys so much for your reviews! They always make my day! Please read and review! Thanks!  
  
Later,  
  
Darkstarspanky aka Carter 


	10. One Long Week and a Half

Title: No Advanced Warning  
  
Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter  
  
Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.  
  
Rating: PG (language, mostly)  
  
Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"  
  
Archive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...  
  
Author's Note: So sorry it's taken me a week to get another chapter up! I've been so busy with preparations for school. Blech. Anyway, I want to thank CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, Roganu-chan, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, and Goddess Anjanee for reviewing! I hope this chapter is up to par with your expectations!

Sam's POV

Hangovers...punishment for those who get drunk, mainly a lesson for those who get drunk while being under-age. But I'm not under-age and I still get taught a lesson! Never use NyQuil with the intention of getting your CO drunk. Especially when they encourage you to drink as well.

All these thoughts came within a few seconds. Long enough for me to realize I was still in the same bed as my teenaged CO with nothing more than a bra and panties on. This is _so _screwed up. I couldn't help myself. I screamed,

"What the hell?!"

"Carter...?"

Clearly he isn't awake enough to realize our current predicament. Or not sober enough as it were. I had to slap his arm to get him to pay attention.

"Yeah..."

"What are you doing in my quarters?"

"Uh..."

"Damn...my head is killing me."

"You're not the only one. I have a feeling we won't be getting rid of these for a while."

"Oh...wonderful..." he groaned.

"Yeah...do you remember anything that happened last night?"

I had to get dressed and fast. I couldn't risk him seeing me like that. Luckily, he was half turned towards the wall.

"Something about cough medicine and...something else..."

"Hmm...yeah, me too. Everything is all fuzzy."

I looked around and saw the bottles lying around. Wow. We drank that much? We shouldn't be alive. But I'm not going to see Janet. I don't really need all that right now. Besides, who's gonna know we got drunk off of NyQuil if we don't tell them?

"You know, we better do something quick...if I'm caught in here it'll raise a few eyebrows that don't need to be raised..."

"Eh...sure, yeah, whatever. Do what you want...I'm going back to sleep..."

"Just like a man..." I muttered.

"What'd you say?"

"Ahem...nothing. I didn't say anything."

"Well, then get out of here and goodnight."

"Sir, it's...six AM."

"Fine. Good morning. Can I go back to sleep now?"

I laced up my boots and got off the bed.

"Yeah...but you might want to get dressed before you go anywhere later."

"What...? Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm going to sleep...now."

"Okay...bye, Sir."

I left the room quietly...I don't think he noticed when I mentioned the fact that he was clad only in boxers. He will later. Oy...what happened last night? The only thing I feel right now is a hangover...ugh. Tylenol...Advil...Alieve...one of those...or all three. Well, I know what I _won't _being doing ever again. Damn Daniel and his NyQuil stash.

I walked into my lab and went straight for the desk drawer with all the pain relievers. It's funny how much of this stuff a girl in my line of work has. Always trying to make sure the guys don't see you in pain. Making them think that you're weak. I got over that long ago. But I still keep the pain relievers. I guess that makes me an addict, huh? Whoops. As long as I'm never taken to a treatment center like Daniel will for his coffee addiction, I think I'll be okay.

Mmm...yes...nice, wonderful painkillers. Hopefully I will never have to worry about a hangover like this again. Which I don't think I will. Unless I decide to get drunk off of NyQuil for a second time. But, no. Never again.

I have a feeling I should go see Teal'c. He might start to think I'm dead or something. Wait...what if _he's_ dead? Okay, I need to go find him to see if he's okay. If nothing else, just to reassure myself he's still alive. This early in the morning I think I can expect to find him in the mess hall. I might as well get myself something with caffeine while I'm there.

I think the route to the mess hall is ingrained in my mind at this point. I didn't even have to watch the corridors I was taking to get to my destination. I guess I should have memorized at least a few of these routes by now, huh? Probably something more important than the mess hall, though.

I swear, that's not the only route I've memorized. It's just one of the few I use most. Other than the control and gate rooms, that is. When I got there, I saw Teal'c seated across from Daniel. When did he get out of the infirmary? Ah, the things you miss when you're passed out due to intoxication by NyQuil.

"Hey, guys."

"Hi, Sam."

Teal'c just nodded his head.

"So they finally let you out then, Daniel?"

"Yes. I promised I wouldn't drink any coffee for a week."

"And they let you out anyway? We all know you can't handle that."

"But they don't know that, do they?"

"So, Teal'c, how much coffee has Daniel had already?"

"None. He has kept his word."

"Surprising."

"Hey, be nice. I still haven't told anyone about that prank you played on my yesterday."

I kicked him under the table. Hard. So much for keeping the prank a secret, Daniel. Teal'c didn't know about any of that stuff yet.

"You have conducted your prank?"

"Yeah..."

"Sam and Jack told me she was pregnant."

I kicked him again. Does he not know when to shut up? Jeez.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Daniel yelped

"..."

"Was Daniel Jackson's reaction satisfactory?" Teal'c asked

"Uh..."

"I think I'll stay out of this now."

"Oh, gee thanks, Daniel. Very helpful."

I don't think Teal'c actually cared about the nature of the prank.

"You're welcome..."

I think the caffeine deprivation has really messed with his mind. He's worse than I am, and I have a hangover. Men. Seriously, they're babies. But, that's Daniel for you. Maybe all that dying and coming back to life has had a lasting effect on the boy. I guess we'll never know.

"So...Teal'c...where have you been these last few days?"

"My whereabouts is not necessary information for you to obtain."

"Oh...okay, then...need to know."

"Indeed."

"So...Daniel, have anything planned with Janet?"

"Possibly."

"Huh...that's nice."

"So, how's Jack?"

Uh...suffering from a hangover...?

"What? Why would I know how Colonel O'Neill is?"

Good cover, Sam. Great job. You couldn't sound any more guilty.

"Well, you left the infirmary with him. I figure you probably have some idea as to where he is."

"Well I don't."

"Okay...don't get all snippy."

"I...wasn't."

"Mmm hmm...whatever you say."

"Teal'c, I wasn't being snippy...was I?"

He didn't answer me. Oh, great. I not only have to deal with not knowing what I did last night, but now I have to deal with people telling me I'm snippy too. I can't win around this place, can I? If I had my way, the Goa'uld would have been dead years ago, I would be married to the ass that got me drunk, and I'd still be going on diplomatic missions. But nooooo...

"Sam, what's wrong?"

Whoops. Apparently I had a look of disgust on my face from my inside-the-head rant. Oh, well. I could claim I feel like throwing up...or...how about I could just say I'm thinking again. That'll work. I'm always thinking. As demonstrated by this right now.

"Nothing...I was just thinking. Surprise...right?"

"Indeed it is not a surprise."

"Teal'c...it was a joke."

"He knows. He just likes to play dumb sometimes. Don't you, Teal'c?"

"Indeed."

Just then, SG-1 was being called into the control room because of an off-world activation. I wonder if Jack is even awake enough to realize that includes him? Probably not. All three of us got up from the table and ran to the control room.

"Who is it?" I asked

"We don't have a signal yet."

The name the IDC belonged to showed up on the screen a minute later. It was Bra'tac's IDC. We opened the iris to let him through. Jack still hadn't gotten himself in here. I bet he passed out after I left him.

When the traveler came...it wasn't Bra'tac. It was Rak'nor. What happened? Obviously something is wrong. We all went down to the gate room to see what was going on.

"Rak'nor, what has transpired?"

"Teal'c, I am afraid I do not bring good news."

Just then Jack decided to stroll into the gate room. He looked quite disheveled. I guess an SF went to go get him.

"What's going on?"

"It's so nice of you to join us Colonel O'Neill."

"Sorry, General. I fell asleep."

Only Jack can get away with something like that. I'm so jealous.

"So, Rak'nor, you were saying?" Daniel asked, trying to get the conversation on track again.

"Bra'tac and your son Ryac have been taken."

"Those two are always getting taken by someone...who is it this time?"

That first part was a little insensitive. And I called him on it by elbowing him hard in the ribs.

"OW! Carter! I think you may have just broken something!" he whispered.

"Good. Now shut up and be polite."

I'm surprised Rak'nor hasn't taken in the appearance of two of the members of SG-1. Namely the Colonel-that-won't-shut-up. Either way, if Jack doesn't shut up soon, we won't find out anything.

"By whom have they been taken?"

"By rebel Jaffa that do not support us."

"How can they be rebels and not support you? I mean, essentially you guys started the rebellion. There's no possible way you can be a rebel Jaffa and not support the rebels that began the rebellion."

"Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Those words came from Jack. Also known as the Colonel-that-won't-shut-up. Well, that's how he's known to me, anyway. But still...

"They rebel against their masters, but they do not support our rebellion."

"So, they're rebelling against their masters and the people that started a rebellion. I get it...but I can't explain it..." I said

"What can we do?"

"General Hammond, I request permission for SG-1 to..."

"Permission granted, Teal'c."

"Wait a minute. How can Carter and I go? We aren't exactly ourselves at the moment..."

"This is an exception, Colonel. You know how important Bra'tac and Ryac are. Not only are they basically Teal'c's family they are..."

"Okay, okay. We're going. Everybody suit up!"

Oh, yay. Now not only am I stuck as a teenager with a hangover who doesn't know what she did last night, now I have to go on a mission to retrieve two rebels from rebels that hate the original rebels. Gosh. What a mouthful.

We went to the locker room to get geared up. I had quite a bit of trouble getting my pants to stay up. My jacket didn't fit, my boots sort of fit and my vest was too baggy. I guess I was a lot smaller as a teenager. Though Jack wasn't doing much better than that. His pants were falling down again.

"Anyone have a smaller belt? Seriously, I need one. My pants are falling off as we speak."

"If you'd like, Sir, you can borrow one of my belts."

He scoffed. I think he took that as an insult or something. What's wrong with borrowing a military issued belt? I guess the fact that it's for a woman with a small waist insults him. I will never understand the male ego.

"Fine...throw one over here."

"Sir, I'm right next to you. I don't really need to throw it."

"I'm trying to make myself look like a man worthy of respecting. You aren't helping."

"You don't need to make a show of being macho...we all know you're just one big hunk of man..."

I gave him a confused look after I said it. Because, to tell you the truth I have no idea why I said that. It must be the after-effects of the NyQuil intoxication incident.

"So, how's the hangover?" I asked in a whispered tone

"It's still there...the headache, the stomachache...my throat kinda burns too. How're you feeling?"

"Ah, yes, the joys of NyQuil comsumption. I'm not doing too bad...the painkillers helped my monstrosity of a headache."

"Mind sharing the painkillers?"

"Hmm...later. It's incentive for you to be a good little boy."

"That's funny. Very funny."

"Will you guys hurry up? I think the polar ice caps have already melted." Daniel griped

And he said I was snippy? Obviously he hasn't recorded his voice in a while. Come to think of it...I don't either. But that wasn't my point. Gee whiz.

"Alright, Daniel. Keep your pants on. Please." Jack said

"I'm ready...let's go."

It really only took us around eight minutes to get geared up, but the conversation made it seem longer for Daniel I guess. I could tell both he and Teal'c were worried about Bra'tac and Ryac. Though Teal'c wouldn't ordinarily show it.

Once back in the gate room, we were told the planet we were looking for wasn't one with a gate. Oh, perfect. Spending God knows how long with all these people? Someone shoot me. Now. The journey itself is supposed to take around a week and a half. Then we have to locate the settlement where the two are being held. I'd say we're going to be out for around a month. Honest.

"So...it'll really take a week and a half to get there? I mean, are you absolutely sure? Like completely sure?" I asked, praying it would be shorter

"Indeed we are sure, Major Carter. I have checked the coordinates of the planet myself."

"Oh...wonderful. I should have brought more Tylenol..."

Jack walked in when I said 'Tylenol'.

"Speaking of which...where's the Tylenol you promised me earlier?"

"Damn...I mean...right here, Sir. Just please don't tell me you want more than one dose. If so, I will have to refuse."

"H-mph. Fine. Be that way, Carter. You won't even help your CO in his time of need."

"Well we can't afford to have you die of an overdose, now can we? I didn't think so."

He just looked at me. It wasn't the normal "You're rambling, but I'll be nice and not tell you to shut up" look. It was something else. A look I don't think I've seen before. Or a really rare one I've only seen less than a handful of times.

I took out the bottle and handed him two caplets. Too bad I know he'll need way more than that. I made sure I put the bottle in my upper vest pocket so he wouldn't go snooping for it. That and if he saw me put it there, he wouldn't dare try and retrieve it.

"You know, it's only been an hour and I'm already getting sick of you."

"Well at least it wasn't less than ten minutes. Then I'd have to kill you to prevent you from telling anyone."

"That's nice...threaten your CO."

"Well, why not? I can't really be charged with insubordination. Who are you going to tell?"

"Hammond...after we get back..."

"Nah...you like me too much."

"That I do. But I can still say I'm going to tell him, even if I'm not."

"Riiiiiiiight. Okay. I think I might just take a nap now."

Pointless, I know. But I didn't care. I need to get rid of this roaring headache. I mean, if I haven't gotten rid of it by the time we get to...whatever planet we're going to...I'm gonna be a little pissed.

"You do that...I'm gonna go...well, I'm just gonna go."

I guess that means he doesn't want to talk about last night. Good. 'Cause I don't want to either.

"We need to talk later."

Or...maybe he does want to talk about it. D'oh. This is getting predictable. I shouldn't come to any conclusions until I'm absolutely sure I've got all the facts. Or, all of the words have been spoken. But, anyway...

I pulled my jacket over my head and attempted to sleep. We all know I need it. Well, okay, _I _know I need it.

I must have actually fallen asleep because someone was shaking me and I was barely conscious.

"Carter! I've got food..."

He said it in an almost singsong voice. What has happened to this man? Has he gone insane?! Or is it me that's gone insane? It's really quite sad that I don't know the difference anymore. Stupid Ancients and their stupidly advanced technology! I guess that last part was an oxymoron, wasn't it? Oh, well.

"Would this food be something to lure me out for the obvious ensuing conversation?"

"Why, Major, whatever are you talking about?"

"Heh..."

I pulled the jacket off my head and sat up. It's still too freakin' early for me to be up. And that's saying something...because I have no idea what time it is. I had to pull back my hair so I could see. I never realized how long it was. It's nice to instantly have long hair, though.

"So..."

"Yeah...?"

"About last night..."

"I don't know what happened after the gross amount of NyQuil we consumed. I remember nothing. I swear. Use a lie detector...I'm not lying...hence the suggestion of a lie detector test..."

"So it wasn't just me that woke up not knowing what the hell went on last night? I'm sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"I'm not either...but until we remember what happened, which is highly unlikely, we don't have to worry, right?"

We're still ten days away from the planet...can't this thing go any faster? Well, I know it can...but I don't feel like getting up and tinkering with the ship. I will when I'm bored. But right now, I'm hungry.

"So...what did you bring me? If you actually brought food, that is."

"I brought turkey..."

"Oh, how I love the variety of MRE pouches. It's lovely, really."

"Isn't it though?"

I took the packet from him and opened it.

"So, what exactly is our plan of action when we reach the planet?"

"We find the settlement and park this thing far enough away from it so they won't know we're here..."

"Why couldn't they pick a planet with a gate? I mean, it would make it easier for us, and them."

"They're rebels...since when do they make things easy on the people they oppose?"

"Hmm...never. I guess we'll just have to remain optimistic...you're favorite outlook."

"Yes..."

"Hey guys, what's up?"

We're on a spaceship going to God knows where, and I have a headache that would rival the worst earthquake. Not much is going on.

"Nothing..."

"Do you know anything about a huge stock of NyQuil that was stolen from...well, never mind where it was stolen from. It was stolen. Do you know anything about it?"

No...why would you think that?

"No...of course not." I said

"Why's it that important? How come you can't tell us where it's from?"

Jack knew damn well where it was from. Good thing he didn't say that.

"I told you, don't worry about where it's stolen from."

"So, Daniel, how are you doing with the whole 'I promise not to ingest caffeine' thing?"

I had to change the subject. Get myself out of the spotlight. In this line of work, it's every man for himself...right? Or in my case, every woman. But that's a technical thing.

"..."

"I'd say he's not doing so good." Jack whispered.

Oh, great. Now he's whispering in my ear...don't be a pervert...don't be a pervert...stop thinking inappropriate thoughts about your CO...eh...screw it. But the way I'm going, this week and a half seems a lot longer now than it did before.

A/N: So sorry it's taken me like a week to get this up! I've been pretty busy...school starts in a day. I'm not happy about that. But I guess you're all wondering what the heck rescuing Bra'tac and Ryac has to do with this story line? Well...you'll just have to wait and see. I'll try and get something up before the weekend, but there are no guarantees. Thanks and please review!

Later,

Darkstarspanky aka Carter


	11. You Know You're Insane When

Title: No Advanced Warning

Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter

Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.

Rating: PG (language, mostly)

Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"

Archive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.

Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...

Author's Note: Holy crap! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in over three months!! I've had so much to do and I've been sleeping through most of it! I caught some errors in the last chapter but...I'd like to thank Sci Fi Fan Gillian, SpaceMan546, Sammie-lou, Endlessangel-6, and Rankokun Alpha for their reviews! I hope this chapter will live up to your expectations! Also, I have to say that I obviously don't have a beta, so please forgive any spelling/grammar errors!

Sam's POV

It's been an hour since Daniel first came in here asking me and Jack about his suddenly depleted NyQuil stash and he's still rambling about it. Someone please shut him up!

"Hey, Daniel...I need to talk to Carter about something really quick."

"Okay...go ahead."

"Daniel."

"Yeah?"

"Leave."

"Oh...okay."

Poor Daniel. I guess his caffeine deprivation isn't going so well. It's making him slow. I feel bad now for all the mean things I was thinking about him. I mean...I wasn't thinking anything mean about Daniel...

"So, we're actually going to talk about this, then?"

"Well, we kind of have to, don't we?"

"I was thinking we could just forget about it and you know, _not _talk about it..."

"Sam..."

I could tell by the look on his face that he really did want to talk about it. Let alone the fact that he used my first name. How did all this happen? Oh, yeah. Damn Ancients.

"Okay. Fine."

"Good. So...what _did _happen last night?"

"I honestly don't know, Sir."

"If we're going to be talking about a subject of this nature...do you think you could maybe

drop the 'sir'?"

"Uh...sure...Jack..."

I have to say, thinking the name is quite different than saying it. But it came out so easily. How did things get so screwed up?

"So you have no idea what happened last night? None at all?"

"I know we had a little party with some NyQuil..." I frowned, trying to think of what else happened.

"I think we both know that..."

"I'm trying to remember...but nothing comes to mind."

"I know..."

"What if...what if something happened last night? I mean, we aren't sure of anything we did after we got drunk..."

"Yeah...I know. If something _did _happen...we're going to have to try and explain it to Hammond."

"But we don't even know if anything happened at all. What if nothing happened and we tell Hammond something _might_ have? We've been given a lot of latitude on things in the past...but this might be the final hit."

"So we just don't tell anyone anything about last night?"

"I guess that's the best course of action, Sir."

"What'd I say about the whole 'sir' thing?"

"Oh...yeah...Jack."

"Very good. Now...I'm tired and I'm going to go to sleep."

Too bad I'd apparently beat him to it. What he didn't know was that I wasn't actually asleep. I had just rested my head on his shoulder. I knew it was a bad thing to do considering we have no idea what happened last night but...what's a girl to do when there's a nice headrest right beside me?

I waited a while and knew that he had gone to sleep because his breathing had changed to a slow and steady rhythm. I realized I shouldn't be resting my head on his shoulder like this...since we're on duty and all. That, and we don't even remember what we did last night. What if we actually did have sex?! Holy Hannah...

Daniel came back a little while after Jack had gone to sleep. I decided to keep my eyes closed until he was gone. Then I'd leave and go do...something. But the damn guy stayed for almost an hour. What the hell was he doing? Watching us sleep? Well, watching Jack sleep that is.

I got up off the floor and started to walk quietly out of the "room" or whatever you'd call it, only to see Jack shift. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Carter..."

"Damn it!" I muttered

"What're you doing here?"

Clearly the man was not awake. I don't think he realizes that this isn't his quarters.

"Uh...we're on a ship...going to rescue some rebels from rebels who're rebelling against the rebels."

"Um...okay?"

"Yeah...I'm have to go...do...something..."

"Okay...goodnight..." he said before drifting off again.

Now what do I do? I guess I could just go somewhere else to fall asleep. Knowing us, things will be getting pretty awkward soon. Oh, yay. As if we all don't have enough problems...now I have to deal with the fact that I may have slept with my CO. I'm going to end up doing hard labor at Leavenworth for the next...well, a lot of years, okay?

The worst part of it is that I'm actually starting to get uncomfortable around him. I don't know what it is, or exactly why it's happening…but it is. This whole thing is just starting to scare the crap out of me. I mean, before we didn't really have to worry about confessing anything, let alone…doing anything. I think it's now the time for avoidance. Yes, that's right. I'm going to avoid him.

You may wonder why it would be such a big deal but it just is. Considering I don't even know what we did last night…I think I really should avoid him. What if we actually did something? Dear, God…what has happened to my life? I feel like I'm the main character in one of those trashy romance novels. Either that, or I'm just insane. I mean, come on, I'm having lengthy conversations with myself inside my head. That just screams insanity to me.

So I am now walking around the ship. Talking to myself. Luckily I'm talking to myself inside my head. But I already said that.I've just realized that I am at the end of the corridor on this ship. Why couldn't we have had a mother ship?! We just had to take an Alkesh, didn't we? So, alright, an Alkesh isn't that small. But it's too small to use as a tactical tool of avoidance.

I turn around to go the other way, knowing that if I don't go back Daniel will try to find me, asking questions he shouldn't ask. Simply because no one knows the answer, and you should never ask questions you don't know the answer to. But I'm about to break that…what have I done?! What have I gotten myself into?

I felt the bile rise in my throat as I thought about the ramifications of what might have happened last nox. What…what was that? Oh, dear Lord it's happening already. Damn you, stupid, smart-ass Ancients! Why Latin? Dead languages suck! All of this is going on in my head while I'm walking through the ship. For once in my life I wish I could shut off my brain.

"Oh…crap."

I just realized that I walking right back into the room I was trying to avoid. Wouldn't it be nice to have a little invisibility device right about now? Yes. I know I've said it before but I odi NyQuil. Oooookay. I've never said _that _before. My life is quickly going to hell and there's nothing I can do about it. I won't even be able to speak English anymore! Hell, I can't even _think_ in English completely. Thank God the man didn't notice me walk back in the room.

"Nothus!"

Ah! No! Why, God, why?! What have I done to deserve this?

"Que?"

He's speaking…Spanish? Dear, God the world has gone mad. Please send _help_!

"I said nothing. I never insulted my CO…"

He just looked at me. I looked back. The tension became too much and I just walked out. I didn't look back and I prayed he wouldn't follow me. When I looked at him, one phrase came to mind: "ego amo tu." Too bad I don't know what it means. Well, maybe I don't want to know. I will repeat myself by saying life is so screwed up right now. All because of NyQuil and drunken stupors. I've been walking through the ship for I don't know how long. But hey, good exercise.

I feel like singing for some random reason, and I would but I'm afraid that it would come out in Latin instead of English. At this point, if that happened I think I would lose what little sanity I have left. I guess the Stargate _does _have an affect on your mind after all. Whoo-hoo! At least I'm not freezing my ass off anymore when I reach the other side. Well, I guess I am but I've gotten used to it. It's amazing what can happen in seven years. And now…it's unfortunate and at the same time it's amazing what can happen in a few days.

Ah, yes. Life has become so tragic for me. Turned into a teenager by some odd alien deivce, getting drunk off NyQuil, and possibly sleeping with my CO who just happens to be in the same predicament. Someone up there really does have a sick and twisted sense of humor. Ordinarily I would laugh at this, but since it's me, I don't think I will. Though I can laugh at Colonel O'Neill…just not in front of him. Since I'm going to be avoiding him for a while, I think it's safe to say that I'll be laughing at him for a while.

If I never find out just what the hell happened that night, it'll be a long time before I actually stay in the same room alone with him. I probably wouldn't even stay in the room with him if Daniel, Teal'c, and my father were present. Too much awkward tension to deal with at once.

I just thought I'drepeat that my life is by far no romance novel. It can be every bit as trashy sometimes, but it isn't one. Now, if only I could talk to the person who _does _write my life and get them to make it a little less…mentally hazardous? Speaking of hazardous, we already get hazard pay, but I don't think it's enough to cover this.

That's when I noticed the aforementioned Colonel was following me. Can't I just get one day off from this man?! I stopped walking and turned around. He stopped and looked at me.

"What was with falling asleep on my shoulder?"

Does the man have to ask me this? Ugh.

"I don't know. I think I was still drunk."

"When I woke up you were gone and when you walked back, you said something and left again. What the hell did you say, anyway?"

"I don't know that, either. I'll let you know when I find out. All I can say is that it wasn't English."

So much for not being alone with him. Okay, just back away slowly, don't make any sudden movements or noises and maybe he won't notice. But of course being the astute observer that he is, he noticed. I just kept backing away from him anyway. He grabbed my arm to stop me from going, and searched my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on with me. I'll tell you what's going on! I got drunk off NyQuil (something that has been said numerous times.) and may have slept with my CO! We knew that though. I'm scared of what might happen! The worst part is, if I slept with him I don't even get to remember it!

His eyes widened at that moment. Oh, damn. I forgot about the whole "mind reading" thing.

"How much of that did you get?" I asked cautiously.

"The last part…slept with who?"

Ah, small blessings. He knows I'm afraid that I might have slept with someone, he just doesn't know who. He must still be suffering from a hangover. Yes!

"Heh. I…uh…never mind. I think I'm…just…going to…leave. Bye!"

With that I ran off. I bet that wasn't the smartest thing to do though. That might have given me away. I mean, I can't help it if I lo…ah! Almost admitted that. This Ancient device must have had more of an effect on my brain than I thought. It's making me stupid. And Sam Carter is never stupid.

You'd think beings as smart as the Ancients would create a device that makes you smarter, not shrinking you down to the lower end of the evolutionary scale when it comes to brain functions. At least I don't have an EM field that's affecting the lights around here because that would be just perfect. Yes, it would add humor to my boring life. Spark. Excitement. Nope, I don't have enough of that at all. After a while I'm ready to kill myself because I can't take the tedium anymore.

But yes, back to the fact that I almost admitted something that, ahem, isn't true? Why would I love my CO? Besides the fact that it is a court-martial able offense, it just isn't right? Well, okay, it isn't bad to love him…just bad to act on it? And…that all sounds pretty stupid.

This is only the first day on this damn ship and already I'm having conversations with myself. Which is a sign on insanity. Great, just great. This is another time when I'd like to kill myself. Bring on the tedium, because I'm out of ways to amuse myself.

Hours later I have no choice but to return to the room I'm trying to avoid. Hunger sucks! I don't know why we kept the food in here, nor do I know why we are using an Alkesh instead of the usual cargo ship. Not that I mind the Alkesh, it gives me more of an opportunity to get away.

"Carter, where have you been?"

"Um…walking?"

"We were talking and you just…left."

"Oh. I thought we were finished."

Heh. Blatant lie. I doubt he'll fall for it. When I said that, he looked crestfallen. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do here. Why does he look at me like that? He's making me feel guilty! He then gave me a pointed look.

"We weren't finished and you know it."

"I have a confession…I am a pathological liar."

"If you were really a pathological liar, and you just told me the truth, you wouldn't be a pathological liar anymore."

Why is he poking holes in my line?!

'I hate you.'

'I know, it's hard not to with my insanely good looks and high intelligence level.'

'High intelligence level my ass. We got drunk off of NyQuil. That makes us _both _pretty stupid.'

I gave him an innocent smile.

'No, not stupid just…lacking in common sense?'

'This is your fault.'

'How is it _my _fault?'

'You were born? Nah, just kidding. But if you hadn't found that damn device, we wouldn't be in this mess.'

'Ouch. You never know, you could have found the device and we still could've turned out this way.'

'Fine. We blame Daniel. He's caused problems so many times that it would be hard to convince someone that he _wasn't _the cause.'

'Good idea.'

'I know, I'm full of them.'

'That's not the only thing you're full of.'

It was his turn to give me an innocent smile.

'You so stole my line! You're more full of it than I am.'

'True, but we can all use a knocking down from a higher peg once in a while.'

'I can think of someone in particular.'

'Hey, be nice. For disrespecting me I could make you push…'

'But you won't.'

I gave him an innocent smile, and he gave me a dirty look. We're actually getting back to normal, and that's what scares me. What if we get drunk off something else next time? When will I find out what the hell happened between us? Probably when I wind up pregnant. Oh, God, please no! I was just kidding! Don't take me seriously! I can't be a mother! I'd probably kill the child within the first day.

But I mean, what am I worrying about? It's not like that'll actually happen, right?

A/N: AHHH!! I'm _so _incredibly sorry that it's taken me forever to get this up. By now you guys have probably lost interest. But, since I'm dropping Pre AP English next term, I think it's safe to say I'll have a little more time. Hopefully I can get more up during the winter break, since my last exam is tomorrow! Again, thanks to all of you who have reviewed! I makes my day so much better! On another note, I must say that flames will be ignored…unless they are real flames…then I'll find something to keep them burning. Okay, well, that's it for chapter 11! I hope you liked it and please review!

Later,

Darkstarspanky aka Carter


	12. You Know You're Insane When Prt II

Title: No Ådvanced Warning

Åuthor: Darkstarspanky aka Carter

Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.

Rating: PG (language, mostly)

Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"

Årchive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.

Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1and a shipload of tapes...

Åuthor's Note: I'm trying to be a good author and give you another few updates during my holidays…I hope you guys liked the last chapter, and thanks to Spaceman546 and Sci Fi Fan Gillian who reviewed! Well, this chapter should hopefully be better than the last! Still don't have a beta, so once again, any grammar/spelling errors are mine, and mine alone!

Sam's POV

Teal'c walked into the "room" we were in (if you can even call it that) to tell us the journey was going much quicker than expected, and that we should arrive in a few days. That made me a little happier. Now I don't have to be stuck on this damn ship with Jack for another week or so.

"Well, that's good news. Now we don't have to wait as long to meet the rebels that are rebelling against the rebels."

"Carter, do you _always _have to say that? Every time something like that gets brought up, you come along with that mouthful."

"Yes, I know, isn't it great?"

At least I can actually say it. I bet you'd get tongue tied if you tried it.

"I heard that."

Damn it! Where is that brick wall I was supposed to be thinking of? My last line of defense has left me…and now I'm left with unguarded thoughts susceptible to Colonel O'Neill's prying…mind?

"Don't worry; I can only hear your thoughts when you broadcast them. Otherwise I'm not even paying attention."

"Oh, I see how it is. My thoughts aren't important enough for you to know?"

"Uh…I didn't think you wanted me to read your thoughts. I mean, they are after all, private. Unless there's something I should know about…"

"Heh…no nothing at all. There is absolutely nothing going on in my mind…that you should know about."

"Yeah, okay, I know when you're lying…and this is one of those times."

'I still hate you.'

'It's nice to know you still care.'

'Isn't it though? Most people have trouble trying to find out my outermost thoughts…and you can find out my innermost thoughts just by…reading my mind. Those damn technologically advanced Ancients. They need to die…'

'I hate to break it to you, but the Ancients are technically dead. That would be why some of them ascended…'

'Right. Gee, thanks. I used to have my intelligence…and now thanks to you…I have nothing. My life has gone down the toilet. Just take away my doctorate in astrophysics because I'm sure I can't live up to it now. We can just change the name to Jack O'Neillon the certificatebecause you seem to be more worthy of it than I am.'

'What the hell are you on, Carter? I've never known you to be so…dramatic. Seriously, are you smoking something? Because if you are, when we get back to Earth I can take you to a nice clinic and no one has to know about it.'

I just stared at him. We've gotten very strange since we were turned into teenagers. Not that we weren't already strange. We've just gotten…stranger. I guess it makes life more fun though.

'No, Sir, I'm not on drugs. I'm not smoking anything. I don't even smoke cigarettes. I think I'm still suffering the effects of the NyQuil that we never stole from Daniel and never consumed.'

'Right. You just keep telling yourself that. Eventually, you might come to believe it. I doubt it though.'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sir. I'm glad you think I can overcome any problems I might have. It's nice to know that you're behind me 100.'

We failed to notice that Daniel had come back into the room. We were just standing there, looking at each other and having a conversation inside our heads. When I looked over at him, he was staring at us with a look of utmost fascination. It was actually kind of funny.

Without looking back at Jack I thought, 'Sir, we have some company. I think we should cut the telepathy business for now.'

'Right, okay. I guess we'll have to continue this _very _interesting conversation later.'

"Hey, Daniel. What's going on?" Jack asked.

"Nothing. What were you guys talking about? Or…thinking about for that matter."

"We were just talking about how Carter thinks you're one big, sexy, hunk of man."

His eyes widened in surprise.

"…What…?"

I smacked Jack hard on the arm.

"OW! What was that for?!"

I just stared at him, then turned to Daniel.

"No, Daniel, we weren't talking about that. We all know you and Janet are _perfect _for each other…"

"Yeah…the doctor…and her patient…"

We both started snickering at that point, since we both knew that Daniel and Janet had been seen around base…making out in the supply closets. And in his lab. And in her office. Discreet couple, aren't they?

Daniel's face showed a look of relief. I think he forgot about the earlier prank…and how he told us about the base pool…that included my father…and how they were all betting on my love life. I'm still pissed about that by the way. Next time I see my father, I shall have a little chat with him about this.

'I don't think he got the reference to the "doctor and patient" thing. Otherwise he would have freaked out by now.'

'Either that, or he's grown up enough to where the idea of people knowing about his…romance…doesn't phase him?'

We both laughed at that. Because in the eight years that Jack has known him, and in the seven that I've known him, there has never been any indication that he would _ever _get over someone knowing what he does in his private life. Of course, when you're doing stuff like that all over the base, it's kind of hard to keep it a secret. What if Daniel acting like that is all just a front, and he really doesn't care. That little Nothus! AH! There's that word again. No more Latin! I am on strike from my brain!

'How can you be on strike from your brain? I may not be smart…but even _I _know that's not possible.'

'I don't know how I can be. I just am. And we've gone over this. We all know that you're smarter than you let on. So no more pretending. At least in front of me.'

'I don't think I can change that habit. It's just too much fun trying to convince the entire base that I'm an idiot…who has managed to make Colonel in the US Air Force by his accomplishments in the line of duty only.'

'It's not fun for me when I have to convince the entire base that I'm smart, a woman, and a woman who can prove herself in combat.'

'You don't have to prove yourself anymore. We all know you're smart, beautiful, and someone who could kick my ass at any given moment.'

"Uh…guys…you're doing it again."

"Oh! Sorry, Daniel. What were you saying, again?"

"Nothing important. Just that the ship is about to blow up because I accidentally set the self destruct. I thought you might want to know."

"Daniel! That is _not_ funny! We can't help it if we get lost in our own minds sometimes."

"That is a phrase I never thought I'd hear from Jack O'Neill." Daniel said in mock surprise.

I just looked at the two men. They were behaving like children. Oooh! This should be fun to watch. Now all I need is some popcorn. Wait…the last thing that Jack sent me…did he say I was beautiful? Why am I worrying about this? Oh, jeez, I need to get a life. I feel like I did when I was a kid and my parents had grounded me for setting stuff on fire. How was I supposed to know that being a pyromaniac was a bad thing?

They were still arguing about this a few minutes later, so I decided to break it up.

"Guys! Sir, Daniel! Stop acting like little children! We're going to be stuck with each other for at least a few more days, so can we _please _not do this now?"

They both sighed. I could tell I had gotten to them. Maybe they can stop acting like the inner children that they have. And in Jack's case, maybe he can stop acting like the child he appears to be at the moment. Knowing them as I do, though, I can tell you right now they won't stop. It's just their thing. Argue about a moot point, and keep arguing about it until the thing is so dead it's decayed and sitting as a pile of bones on their front lawns.

Okay, so that didn't really make much sense. But that's okay. I never really make sense anyway. Especially when I'm talking to myself inside my head. Then everything becomes incoherent and stupid sounding. Like it does right now. Brilliant. It makes me think of Jell-O…ah how I miss that nice blue color…and…wait…why does that remind me of Jell-O?

A hand was being waved in front of my face. I looked further and noticed it was attached to an arm. Which was attached to a certain handsome colonel we all know and love. Just…in the strictly platonic way. Nothing more. I swear. Hit me with a lie detector if you don't believe me.

Daniel was still standing there. They had apparently stopped arguing while I was conversing with myself. Good. Now I don't have to separate them and chain them to a wall…or something. This should be an okay trip after all. But if they start it up again, I swear that will be the last time they ever speak.

"Can we just not bring up my personal relationships, please? I mean, Janet and I don't want it to be broadcasted all over the base."

"But we aren't even on base at the moment. And, what do you have to worry about? You aren't in the military, only she is, so you don't have to worry about the regs or anything." Jack said.

"Yeah. So, if everyone knew you two were gettin' it on, no one would care. Except those nurses in the infirmary who are quite smitten with you." I said, while giggling.

He had the decency to blush. Daniel always was the shy one, wasn't he? It wasn't like I hadn't already known about their relationship before this past week or anything. She had told me the minute he had finally scrounged up enough courage to ask her out.

"…I think I'm just going to go now…and hide myself in shame." Daniel said as he walked out of the room.

"I can't believe you used the phrase 'gettin' it on' to describe Daniel and Doc. That is so…high school. And 70's."

"I know, isn't it great? It's so retro that it works."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Am I sure? No, never! Am I okay? Probably not. So…all I have to say is…I'm not okay…I promise." (Å/N: It's a song by My Chemical Romance…I was listening to it and I just thought I'd add it somewhere.)

He just kind of stared at me for a few moments. I had just given him the indication that I'm crazy. Well, I would have to say that I am for putting up with this for the past seven years. But then again, aren't we all crazy in our own little way? Of course, I'm just crazy in a big, messed up kind of way. Something no one fails to notice.

"Right. Okay. I need a drink."

"No, you don't. That's what got us these _lovely _hangovers, remember?"

My head was still pounding, and there was that nice little sensitivity to light and sound. And here I thought Tylenol was the cure-all for hangovers. Well, at least the headache part of things. Maybe I should have bought Excedrin. Damn.

"Oh, I remember all too well. Why did we get drunk again? And why did we use NyQuil?"

"I don't really remember why we got drunk, and I don't remember why we used NyQuil, either. My throat burns, and I have a hangover."

It's true. Since NyQuil is supposed to be used for getting rid of cold symptoms and stuff, if you have too much of it, all the other ingredients can cause problems. Well, since we consumed at least 20 times more than the regular recommended dosage, we could say that the side effects are a little more…prevalent? It was my dumb idea to use NyQuil to get drunk. For that, I think I deserve a slap.

Teal'c came back in and we had a nice little chat for a while. Something along the lines of:

"Are you feeling unwell, O'Neill?"

"If you think a roaring headache is unwell, then yes I am. There's also a lesson in this: don't get drunk off NyQuil. Ever."

"Not that he gets drunk anyway." I said.

"Should you not rest till your symptoms subside?"

"I guess I should…but no. I don't want to," he looked over at me, "someone might try and prank me."

I put on my best innocent face, "Who? Me? I would never…unless you pranked me first."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Ah…yes. The incident with the slime. Then my retaliation with the green Jell-O. Good times.

"Hey…what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

"Wrong. What doesn't kill you makes you feel pain."

"Oh. When did they change it?"

Good job, Carter. Play dumb. Show him how frustrating it is.

"Ugh, are we _still _on this?"

Damn him! The one time he chooses to be smart, it has to be when I'm trying to play dumb. Life sucks, it really does.

I turned around and decided not to talk to him. If he's going to be petty and childish about it, then I just won't talk to him. The irony is, that I'm being childish as well when I'm chastising him for doing it. Oh, well.

'Idiot.'

'What? I thought you just…thought…the name idiot to me…'

"Of course I didn't…I would _never_…how could you think that? I mean…just…that is so horrible. I can't believe you would think that I could ever think or say that about you…or to you for that matter.'

'Thanks, Carter, it's nice to know you care.'

'Of…course? How could I not?'

Er…I know it was just a phrase…but…ugh. Suddenly I was hit with a wave of nausea. Am I getting sick? Or…cue suspenseful music…am I pregnant?! I hope not, and I don't think I am…because…ahhh!! If I were…it would be wrong. Just, completely, utterly and verily wrong.

"What're you thinking about?"

Crap. I forgot I wasn't alone to wallow in my thoughts without fear of someone else overhearing them…in my head…through telepathy. Damn Ancients.

"Uh…nothing. I'm just not feeling well all of a sudden. I'm nauseous, and I have a really bad headache. I don't think it's from the NyQuil."

He put his arm around my waist, for support I guess. He led me over to a crate to sit down. When I looked over at him, I saw a look of intense worry etched on his face. As soon as I sat down, I felt a little better. I honestly don't know why I'm feeling like this. I mean, I would sense if there were a baby, right? Sometimes a woman just knows…and considering I've had all these special things happen to me, you'd think I would know if something like this happened.

Oh, God, I'm rambling. Please stop me before I say something stupid…I mean…think something stupid? Damn. Too late.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, you look really pale…and you said you weren't feeling well."

"I'll be fine. I mean, as soon as I sat down, I started to feel better. Thanks."

I gave him a small smile of reassurance. I don't suppose that helped him feel all that better about my condition. It was then that I realized that I've been on this ship longer than I thought. It's already been about 5 days. I guess that's why Teal'c said we'd be there in a little while. I'm an idiot.

"Still, I think you should take some Tylenol and lay down. Just in case you're getting sick…"

He didn't have a chance to finish that sentence. And if he did, I didn't hear it because my world went black again.

I guess I awoke a few hours later. I could sense the presence of three people, but I couldn't see them! I've…gone blind. Well this sucks. It really sucks. Then I noticed that Jack was lying on the ground next to me. Only because I was feeling around with my hands, and I ran into him. Well, more like stuck my fingers in his eye socket…or was it his nose? Oh, well.

"Jack! Jack!"

I started shaking his limp form. What the hell has happened to us? Seriously, this fainting thing is getting so old. It got old the _first_ time it happened. This is what, the third or fourth? It's happened so many times that I've lost count.

'Carter, what the hell is going on? I can't see anything! And I know it's not because my eyes are closed. I know they're open.'

'I'm not really sure, Sir. As far as I know, we're blind. As for the reason, I'm not really sure.'

Great. Just great. We're in the middle of nowhere, blind, and…well, those are the only two I can think of right now. It was like we'd been hit with a Goa'uld shock grenade. And we all know how much fun _those _are.

"Well, so what are we going to do now? We aren't going to be much help in rescuing Bra'tac and Ryac if we're blind." Jack said.

"I don't know…I honestly don't know."

I sighed. This is kind of freaking me out. What's going to happen next? I'm going to ask this again, _why _the hell are we blind? God must hate me. Ugh. Just then I got a flash of something. But it wasn't the interior of the ship. It was…

Å/N: Hello all! Haha! Kind of a cliffy! Though I bet you guys figured it out. I think my story has become a little too predictable…dang. Well, okay, I hope this chapter was still good though! Leave me a review if you liked this chapter, hated this chapter, have any suggestions…whatever. Thanks and…HÅPPY CHRISTMÅS! Or…happy belated Chanukah…Kwanzaa…or…just…how 'bout happy holidays? I hope everyone is well, and those who are off school for now, I hope you have a great break! Oh! And, the phrases from the last chapter, "Nox" means "night", "ego amo tu" means "I love you." (though I'm not entirely certain on the structuring) and "Nothus" means "bastard." haha. And yes, I know they've switched quite quickly back into the easy banter and stuff. It'll be explained later! I promise! (Since when have I let you down on a promise? Except the posting of chapter 11...but with school and all…sorry!) Er…sorry for the LONG author's note!!!!!

Later,

Darkstarspanky aka Carter


	13. I love messing with him

Title: No Ådvanced Warning

Åuthor: Darkstarspanky aka Carter

Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.

Rating: PG (language, mostly)

Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"

Årchive: If anyone actually wants it, let me know first.

Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...

Åuthor's Note: First off, I'd like to apologize about seven billion times for taking almost a year to put up another chapter. Things have been slightly hectic with all the stuff I put myself into this year. I won't make you wait this long ever again (if you are still interested in this story by now…). But now I'd like to thank SG-1 Fanfic, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, Dana-Carter, Bart, candlewick866 (your review sounds like something I would say haha), CharmedAli, stargrl678, rankokun alpha, and my idiot friend Danielle (XD) for your reviews! I love you guys! Er…yeah. Okay! Now, for your enjoyment…The next chapter!

Sam's POV

…Jack's quarters. The night of the NyQuil fiasco. I saw myself enter the room with several bottles of the accursed liquid, us downing the stuff, giggling, falling all over each other, and generally acting like idiots. And Jack says I don't know how to have fun. Oh, here's where the fun _really_ starts. We end up falling over, making out, and nearly stripping down to the last of our clothing.

So that's it? We didn't really do anything? As much as I was relieved, I was also somewhat disappointed. Which is slightly confusing, let me tell you.

Then my vision began to clear. And I promptly threw up. Ah…the joys of a hangover. Really.

"Can you see anything?"

"Ugh. I feel like I've just been hit by a Goa'uld shock grenade."

"…and that means?"

"Sure, I guess I can see."

Wow. Answer man right there. Can you be any more cryptic?

'Yes.'

I just stared at him. Sometimes this man makes me wonder about everything I've known to be a constant in my life. Actually, he just makes me wonder if it's possible for anyone in our line of work to stay sane, clean minded, NyQuil free, and unobtrusive when it comes to mind reading and telepathy. Considering the last two only happen to us, probably not.

"So, did you get any visions or anything while we were passed out and/or blinded?"

"Uh…no. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Never mind," I grumbled.

Oh, joy. Another special power for Samantha Carter. Do the wonders never cease? But hey, that means I'm more powerful than Jack. Hahahahahahahaha. I'm so glad he can't see me doing my mental victory jig. But yes! I finally have one up on him. Sucker.

Once again, I found a hand being waved in front of my face.

"Carter…? What's with you? You keep spacing out."

That, and I just freakin' vomited.

'Yeah, that too.'

'Damn it! Stop doing that to me!'

'Are you sure everything is okay? You've been acting weird…and then when you…'

'Jack?'

'Yeah?'

'Shut up.'

'Alright.'

'I don't know exactly what's going on. All I know is that this Ancient device really screwed with our brains. We converse through telepathy, I have some weird electrical energy that stems from my hands…you can heal…I now apparently get visions of things that have already happened…'

'Well, isn't this just wonderf…wait? Did you say you get visions now?'

I just nodded my head in response. Ouch. Note to self: never make any kind of head movement when you're fighting a hangover and you've just regained consciousness.

'What did this…vision entail? Was it something to help us figure out how to reverse all this?'

'No…the vision didn't have anything to really help us fix this mess. But I do know one thing.'

'Which would be…?'

'We didn't do anything the night we were drunk. Well, I mean, we made out…and stripped a little bit…but we didn't…'

'Didn't what?'

Honestly, how stupid can this man pretend to be? He is completely infuriating sometimes. Really. I don't know why I even think about this man. Well, okay, I know _why_. But that wasn't my point.

'We didn't do anything that involved…'

'Oh! We didn't…uh…yeah…okay, I've got it now.'

Cue awkward silence number five hundred twenty-seven. We just sat there for who knows how long, staring and thinking about what we had done. Or, rather, what we _hadn't _done. I'd noticed something briefly flit across his eyes. But as soon as it appeared, it was gone. I'm not quite sure what it was, and I guess I may never know. Damn him and his ability to hide _everything_.

So, this tension in the room is nice. Really, it is. I mean, I just love how it…makes everything awkward. Again. There is never a day off from it, is there? No? Okay, then. Well, as pleasant as this awkward tension is, I think I'm going to have to go shoot myself. Oh, imagine that, I've got a gun. Nah, I think I'll just leave the room. Besides, what if the world needs saving?

I don't even think he noticed I left the room. What is that man thinking about that could preoccupy him? Wait I just said he was thinking. Hahahahahahahaha. Jack thinking scary.

About half an hour after I left, I received a message through my telepathic connection with Jack,

'Hey, where'd you go?'

'Wow. It took you all of thirty minutes to notice I was missing? I feel so hurt that you didn't notice my absence immediately. My specialness should warrant more than that.'

'Specialness isn't a word.'

I should have noticed that. Damn. I could just _hear _the smirk that would now be gracing his features.

'You of all people shouldn't be correcting me on proper vocabulary and grammar.'

'That wasn't my point.'

'Ah, yes, but it was _my _point.'

He stayed silent for a few minutes. I got him and he knew it. He was just jealous that I recovered from my moment of stupidity quicker than he usually does. Actually, I haven't really recovered from my moment of stupidity. I'm stuck in a perpetual moment of stupidity. More like a decade, really. Technicalities.

'I so got you. Admit it.'

'You didn't get me. I will admit nothing.'

He's right. I didn't _really _get him. I could've said worse.

'Exactly.'

'Stop it! Get out of my head! Get out! Get out! Get out!'

I almost started smacking my head. Then it would feel like I'm in one of those movies where the main character is being tormented by his or her subconscious. Except in my case, it is not my subconscious, it is in fact my superior officer. But he's still tormenting me, the bastard.

Since he's tormenting me, I think it is only proper for me to torment him. I just have to wait for him to be asleep. He's probably going to end up pissed off with me. No, wait, actually it's impossible for him to get pissed off with me. He likes me too much for that. As I like him. But that wasn't my point.

I walked into the room only to discover that Jack was sleeping. Perfect. I took a pen from my pocket and began my long and arduous task of making him look more handsome. I mean…making him look funny. Haha. The man should know by now not to fall asleep while in the same vicinity of me. Because if he does, bad things will happen.

Once I was had finished with my little plot of revenge, I left the room and waited. Around thirty minutes later he walked out and went off to find Daniel and Teal'c. Then I heard some crashing and laughing. My guess is that the crashing was Jack, and the laughing was Daniel. And quite possibly Teal'c. Yes, I suppose the trip wire worked.

"CARTER!"

…Crap. I guess it's about time that I start running and find a good place to hide. While not thinking so that I can't give my position away. Is that too much to hope for? Oh, well. I decided to go for hiding in one of the crates. It's so simple that he wouldn't expect me to do it. He probably thinks I'm going to find some difficult place to hide. Well, ha! I'm not going to find some difficult place. Jack should know by now that with me, you must expect the unexpected. Or something. I really don't have very many intelligent thoughts when he's involved, do I?

It took the man about twenty minutes, but he found me. I burst into laughter when I saw his face. The drawings along with his face being contorted in half-assed anger made it that much more comical. But I think the fact that I was laughing made it worse.

"Carter!"

I put on my poker face and tried to act nonchalant.

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you know anything about this lovely pen addition to my face?"

"Whatever are you talking about? I don't see anything different."

I bit back a laugh. Keep your cool, it's the only way you can win this one. Or, take pictures for blackmail. You can win that way, too. But since you don't have a camera, you're going to have to keep a straight face.

"Carter, do you know how funny you _aren't _being?"

"I'm…not trying to be funny. I just am."

All he did was give me this look that said, "You're screwed." And that was enough to send me running.

He chased me around for what must've been about ten minutes before he finally caught me. He had been waiting around the corner of the door. When I came around, he basically jumped me, pinned me to the floor and started tickling me mercilessly.

Eventually I was able to flip us over so I had the advantage. I'm so glad we're still the size of teenagers; otherwise it would not have been possible. I brought my face close to his. Close enough that I could've kissed him. Then I leaned in a little more…

"I let you catch me."

When it comes to me, expect the unexpected.

I got off of him and walked out of the room. As I walked out I heard him yell,

"Damn you, Carter!"

Oh, how I love messing with him.

A/N: Again, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out. I really, really am. But I hope this will satisfy you for a bit until all of my exams are finished. I hope you liked it, and please review! I'm going to leave you with probably the shortest A/N I've ever written.

Later,

Darkstarspanky aka Carter

P.S. – Look closely, there's some foreshadowing in the last bit of this chapter.


	14. In My Thoughts

Title: No Advanced Warning

Author: Darkstarspanky aka Carter

Summary: SG-1 gate to a planet with Ancient technology. With this technology, they get themselves into a rather...interesting situation.

Rating: PG (language, mostly)

Spoilers: Anything that happened previous to "Heroes I & II"

Archive: If anyone wants it, let me know first.

Disclaimer: Not mine...yadda, yadda, yadda...I only own the SG-1 DVDs and a shipload of tapes...

Author's Note: Um... alright! It's been an immensely long time since I updated this. I hope you all will forgive me! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you have the others! Though I do have to warn you, this story might be a little inconsistent at first, until it picks back up again... I can't really remember everything I had planned for this story [looks down in shame. Well, read and enjoy (and review?)!!

Sam's POV

I heard Jack pick himself up off the floor and groan.

'You have _such _a way with people, did you know that?'

I heard the thought float through my mind. That's not the pot calling the kettle black at all, is it? Besides, I have excellent people skills compared to his. Even Teal'c does sometimes. And he just threatens people when they piss him off.

'You seem to like me well enough.'

He's just mad cause I beat him at his own game. He hates it when that happens. I felt like doing another victory jig, but thought better of it. I could see his shadow rounding the corner and didn't feel like sticking around to see the aftermath of my actions. Cowardice at it's best!

'My feelings have nothing to do with it. General Hammond is the only reason you're still on SG-1.'

I could just _feel _the smirk that once again graced his lips. That was downright low. And not true. I decided not to dignify that last remark with an answer. Despite the fact that I had an extremely witty one planned.

'No you didn't.'

'Oh, damn it all! No matter how hard I try, there's no escaping you, is there?'

"Nope. I'm everywhere," Jack said as he tackled me from behind.

I let out a surprised noise as we fell to the floor, knocking down one or two crates on our way.

I shifted my body underneath him so that we were face to face.

"You've got to stop doing that."

"Oh, but it's just so much fun."

I just grunted in response. I'm sure once I find a bunch of bruises all over me, he won't be saying that. Well, at any rate, I never said that. Well, at least not when I was the one being tackled, anyway.

We were still situated in that manner when Daniel walked in, who was followed by Teal'c. I looked around me. We were all just standing there (or in my case, lying on the floor with Jack on top of me), staring at each other.

"… this is kind of awkward…," I said.

"Yeah… it's gettin' there." (A/N: Yeah, totally stole that from "Moebius Part II".)

After about five minutes of awkward silence and staring, Jack and I finally stood up. Wait a minute… who is driving the ship?! No one? Oh, great. We're gonna die. Happy ending for us, then.

"Hey, uh, not to be a party pooper, cause, you know how much I _hate _doing that, but don't you think someone should be, oh, I don't know, flying this damn ship?!" Jack exclaimed.

Daniel looked at us all with wide eyes and ran out of the room.

Teal'c finally spoke, "Does Daniel Jackson not realize that while in hyperspace it is not necessary for the pilot to 'steer' the ship?"

Oh, I'd forgotten about that. While it's probably a better idea to have someone sitting there in case something decides to go wrong, (which, of course, _never _happens to us) just so that everyone doesn't die. That would be a wonderful ending to this equally wonderful adventure. I wouldn't even get to properly make out with Jack! And I _really _hope he didn't hear that.

'Hear what?'

'Huh?'

"Apparently not. Otherwise he wouldn't have rushed to get back."

I think that was the most normal thing I've managed to say since this whole fandango began. Amazing. Ah, how I miss being normal.

Just then, Jack tripped over one of the fallen crates.

"Damn it! How'd that get there?!"

Or maybe I don't. Hahahahahahahaha. I do believe this is why I've stayed with the program so long. And this time, it wasn't even my fault.

'Are you saying it was your fault the rest of those times?'

I refused to answer. I have the right to remain silent as apparently anything I think can and will be used against me in telepathic debates. Can life get any better? Well, considering I'm still stuck on this ship, albeit slightly more amused, I think the answer we are looking for is "yes".

"So anyway… Teal'c, how much longer," I asked.

"Another day of traveling remains."

Hmm. Alright, I can handle that. As long as it isn't me tripping over misplaced crates next time. Which, hopefully there won't be a next time.

I've been keeping watch on my surroundings for the past three hours but... it seems I spoke too soon. While I didn't trip over misplaced crates, I did trip over our fallen sleeping bags and packs. Now how did those get there?

I heard a little bit of snickering coming from behind one of the towers of crates. Oh, it figures. It seems this war is without end. Hmm... this means I must come up with a better plan of retaliation. And keep it a secret this time. Or at the very least keep any plan a secret.

Not getting a reaction or response, I heard Jack leave the area. The look of disappointment and confusion must be crossing his face right about now. Maybe that in and of itself is a good prank.

Who am I kidding? Of course it isn't.

My mind started to wander to the vision I'd had earlier. I know we didn't do anything unprofessional… well, not _totally, completely _and _utterly _unprofessional anyway. But that felt different than any hangover I've had before. So is there something I'm just not remembering? That I'm not allowed to see? Oh, God. Am I going to lose my job?

Pfft. Not likely. General Hammond wouldn't easily admit it, but he'd like to see Jack and I finally get over this whole "sexual tension" thing. Though maybe not by having a kid… eh, I'm sure he'll take what he can get. Besides, everyone would just love a little one running around. I hope it looks human. Riiiight. Getting a bit ahead of myself here. While I'm basically in my prime to have a kid, it would be a big change.

I guess I'll have to wait and see. I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment anyway.

Prepare to be annihilated, Jack!

Author's Note (take two): Well, after a horribly long hiatus, I am back! I know, you all probably thought I'd died or something. I'm sorry it's so short, but I figured I should get _something _up so you'd know I'm still around and I really do intend to finish this story! I'll do my absolute best to get another chapter up about 5 million light years faster than the last update, so stay tuned and thanks for reading!


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